


King + Cross

by jacinth



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Boarding School, Asshole Harry, Attempted Sexual Assault, Blow Jobs, Dark Harry, Dom/sub Undertones, Dubious Consent, Family Secrets, Implied/Referenced Underage Prostitution, Innocent Louis, Jealousy, Kind of? Harry just randomly whips one out to shred a pillowcase, Knifeplay, Light Bondage, M/M, Past Sexual Abuse, Possessive Behavior, Protectiveness, Stop being an asshole Harry, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-12
Updated: 2015-03-30
Packaged: 2018-03-12 00:40:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 7
Words: 22,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3337844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jacinth/pseuds/jacinth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After being orphaned, Louis begins a new life with his wealthy grandmother and is enrolled at King + Cross Boarding School. There, he makes a few new friends and attracts the attention of Harry Styles, a boy with a bad reputation when it comes to relationships. Not long after, Harry decides Louis is "his" and refuses to take no for answer. Louis on the other hand refuses to be another one of Harry's toys despite his growing feelings.</p><p>As time passes, Louis realizes there might be more to Harry than meets the eye, and not in a good way.</p><p>(Dark Harry/Innocent Louis)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 1.Welcome to King + Cross

**Author's Note:**

> First, let me say that this story is my baby and I've been working on it on and off for the last YEAR. I finally finished it over the weekend and decided to post the first chapter - It's only being posted in chapters because it's too damn long to edit all at once. I'll most likely update a couple times a week.
> 
> I picture Helen Mirren as Ruth, I'm not sure why, she was just who I saw in my head when Ruth spoke.
> 
> Sorry for any mistakes!

Fifteen year old Louis Tomlinson was rooted to his spot as he took in the daunting, colossal building before him, reminiscent of the castles he'd read about in fairy tales - the kind that harbored deadly secrets and monsters in the dungeons just waiting to be set free. He swallowed convulsively as the queasiness he had been fighting since leaving Warwick Manor reared it's ugly head with a vengeance for what seemed like the hundredth time that morning. He wondered if it was too late to run away and join the circus.

 The sound of gravel crunching under James' shoes tore Louis from his thoughts as the driver helped him carry his luggage into **King** **+** **Cross** **Boarding School,** the poorly disguised perdition wherein Louis had been condemned to spend the next three years of his life, with the exception of Christmases and summer holidays _of course_.

Louis hung back, putting off going inside as long as he could. He had heard more than his fair share of horror stories about boarding schools but he was hoping that since it was co-ed it wouldn't be as bad - he missed his old school more and more the more he thought about it and he remembered the argument he'd had with his grandmother about it, how she had said his father, grandfather, great-grandfather and so on had gone to **King + Cross** , ' _the finest private school in England_ ' according to her.

Louis disagreed. Up until a year ago he had been perfectly content at his old _public_ school where he'd had three close friends, could go home at the end of the day, sleep in his own bed and most importantly, spend time with his mum. Louis felt his chest tighten with a familiar ache at the thought of her. She had been killed in a car accident a year earlier and Louis' world had been shattered. Some days, when he opened his eyes after a fitful night's sleep, he couldn't help but wish he had been in the car with her, though he knew she would kill him for even thinking that way.

He knew things could have turned out a lot worse for him, he could have landed in an Orphanage, or been living with an abusive relative or a family of complete strangers, but he wasn't, thankfully. Instead, he'd ended up being taken in by his wealthy grandmother, Ruth Tomlinson, whom he'd never met before as she hadn't approved of his father marrying 'beneath him.'

When he'd first found out he would be living with Ruth (that was what he called her in his mind even though she insisted he call her Gran or Grandmother) he had been terrified. He'd only been fourteen at the time but he knew more about the situation than anyone thought and his biggest fear had been Ruth projecting her hatred for his mother onto him, resulting in nightmares of being locked in a cupboard under the stairs for weeks on end (he didn't even want to think about the irony of it all) but fate it seemed, had decided to give him a break after making him an orphan and things had gone in a more positive direction.

Ruth was a lovely woman. No, a lovely _lady_. Because that was what she was, a lady, in every sense of the word. And she treated him well, made him feel at home, came to him with hot chocolate when he cried in the middle of the night, and made sure he had anything and everything he could possibly want, not that he ever asked. He was so used to money being limited that he never gave a second thought to wanting things for himself, still in the mindset that all their money needed to go into keeping a roof over their heads.

Louis had grown to love his grandmother, truly, he had, but when he thought about everything she was capable of _giving_ and the way his mother had struggled every single day for as long he could remember just to keep food on the table, he grew furious. Why couldn't Ruth have extended this generosity when they had so desperately needed it? When his mother had gone to bed hungry just so he could eat? When she had to drive her piece of shit car to her piece of shit job? The very piece of shit car she had died in.

Yes, he may have loved his grandmother but he knew he would be angry at her for the rest of his life.

That anger had grown when she had told, not _asked_ , told him she had enrolled him at King + Cross. It had made him feel as if she were already sick of him and sending him away for a break. He had wanted to hate her, had even refused to speak to her for three whole days until she explained that she only wanted the best for him, wanted him to have the best possible education the way his father had. Then she'd gotten all misty eyed and told him how much he reminded her of him, even if his looks were all his mother's. In the end, he hadn't put up much of a fight. Ruth had been good enough to take him in, to accept him into her home and heart, the least he could to was allow her to give him 'the finest education he could hope for' as she put it.

So. Here he was, staring down ten months of torture in this Hell pit, as he called it, having already decided to loath the place on principle.

“Mr. Tomlinson-”  
  
“Louis.” he automatically corrected James like he always did.  
  
“Mr. Tomlinson. I know you're... displeased to be here...”  
  
Louis snorted.  
  
“ I went here too , you know .” James continued. “ I think you'll grow to love it the way I did.”  
  
Louis raised his eyebrows in confusion as he looked up at the driver. “Then.. why?”

James smiled down at him, “Because your grandmother is a wonderful lady and I can't imagine working for anyone else, qualifications aside.”  
  
Louis decided Ruth must be something special to inspire that kind of loyalty and his anger dulled a little. Not much, but a little.

Yanking at his hideous grey and black uniform, Louis reached up to brush his fingers against the cross around his neck; it had been his mother's. He found it gave him comfort and courage whenever he felt like he was about to walk off a cliff. Like now.

Louis took in a deep, steady breath and started slowly up the stone steps that lead to the huge wooden doors of the entrance, frowning slightly as he looked up at the building. It was all grey stone and tall windows in a courtyard of stone and grass, surrounded by miles of forest, almost as if they were cut off from the rest of the world. It reminded him of Hogwarts in a way, though he doubted he'd be having any grand adventures here. Even trying would probably get him expelled before he could say 'Levi _o_ sa'

With that encouraging thought in mind, Louis squashed his nerves and marched through the doors with more confidence than he felt.“Here goes nothing.”

-:-

After being assigned a dormitory, getting his things settled in his room and meeting his roommates, Daniel, Zayn, and Stanley. They'd been given the tour, and it was there, being lead through the crowded halls that he first heard the name Harry Styles.

“He's back with Cara, I hear.”

“I heard he was gettin' awfully friendly with Taylor...”  
  
“You're both wrong, he's seeing them both, plus that kid Sam. Riley caught him giving Harry a bj in the common room yesterday morning. If you'd come on Friday with everyone else, you'd know that.”  
  
“Wanker. I don't want to be here any longer than I have to.”  
  
Louis shook his head as he passed the three older students, this Harry sounded like a walking STD.

-:-

After lunch, Louis had the option of spending the rest of the day in his room, or exploring the school on his own; he chose the ladder, finding that he didn't really want to be alone with his thoughts just yet. It was Sunday and classes started the next day but it was still quite crowded as everyone arrived a few days early in order to get settled before the school year commenced. It was strange. Going home had been the only good thing about school as far as he was concerned, now he was stuck _living_ in one.

The place was rather nice, he'd admit. Lots to look at, plenty of scenery for the imagination, and most importantly, plenty of places to hide.

After wandering a bit, Louis found himself outside, the crisp autumn air was invigorating and he knew it was something to be enjoyed as it was a rarity without the company of rain. Louis was still lost in his thoughts when he rounded a corner and collided with something hard, knocking him onto his bottom. He was just glad he'd landed on the cobblestone path instead of the grass, if only for the sake of his trousers.

“Watch where you're walking, brat.” A deep voice snarked, as it's owner, the person responsible for knocking him down, stepped right over him not even bothering to help him up, a group of boys following after him like puppies and laughing at the fallen boy.

Louis sat there a moment, seething. How rude. If everyone here was this pleasant he was in for a shittier year than he'd originally anticipated. How lovely.

“You're lucky you're not pretty.” An amused female voice hummed somewhere above his head.

“What?” Louis asked distractedly, blinking up at a small, pixie-like girl with shoulder length brown hair looking down at him curiously as she munched on a green apple. 

“I said,” She crunched the piece of apple in her mouth and swallowed, “you're lucky you aren't pretty. Or you'd be in _all_ _sorts_ of trouble right now.”  
  
Pursing his lips, Louis felt his irritation grow along with his confusion as the girl's words penetrated his angry thoughts - had she just insulted him? He didn't say anything, not quite understanding what she was implying and merely looked at her.  
  
“That was Harry Styles you just barrelled into!” She huffed, like that somehow explained everything and _he_ was the idiot.

“...So?”

The girl rolled her eyes. “Christ, you have _so_ much to learn.”

“ _What?_ ” He said again, the annoyance he felt seeping into his tone.

“Harry likes the pretty ones." She spoke between crunches. "If he had liked the looks of you, you'd be on your knees in an empty classroom or dark corner right now sucking him off.”  
  
“Like, _fuck_.” Louis snapped, pushing himself up and wiping the backs of his trousers.  
  
“That too.” She replied, leaving him mystified.  
  
“I'm sorry um... who, who are you?”  
  
She paused, apple inches from her mouth. “Georgie.”  
  
“Louis.” he nodded. Georgie hummed around another bite of apple. “Well. Uh... It was nice, to meet you, Georgie-”  
  
She waved her free hand at him, dismissing his attempt to leave and looping her arm with his, pulling him toward the school. “So, Louis. Tell me about yourself.”  
  
“Erm... I'm not, really....looking for a girlfriend, so-”  
  
“Well that's a relief!” She crowed, tossing the apple into a nearby rubbish bin. “You're not exactly my type.”  
  
A laugh burst from his lips then and he decided he quite liked Georgie. He'd just made his first friend here, he supposed the day could have gone worse.

-:-

Louis yawned as he gathered his books and made his way through the halls for his morning class. It had been a long night and he'd barely slept. Stanley snored, Zayn talked in his sleep and Dan didn't seem to sleep, period.

Not to mention Louis had tossed and turned on his bed all night, he'd just gotten used to the bed in his grandmother's home, now this. It was like someone had it out for him.

“There you are!” Georgie called, ever the annoyingly perky schoolgirl. How could someone be this relentlessly happy this early in the morning?  
  
“Yeah, here I am.” Louis grumbled, yanking at his robes. Now he _really_ felt like a Harry Potter reject.  
  
“I'm walking you to class.” She insisted, looping their arms the way she had the day before and dragging him along. “You're lucky I've been here for two years already and know my way around.”  
  
“Will my good fortune never cease?” He muttered quietly. No sooner than the words had left his mouth did he collide with someone for the second time in two days, knocking both Georgie and him to the ground this time.  
  
“Thought I told you to watch where you were going?” The somewhat familiar voice snapped, the echoes of his _minions_ laughter following. Louis glared up at the tall, lanky boy through his bangs as Georgie scrambled to stand up without her skirt riding up. She pulled on his hand but Louis stayed where he was; he was tired, irritated, and in no mood to deal with the likes of Harry Styles.

The boy snickered and rolled his eyes at them, pushing his thick chocolate curls to one side with his hand and turning to leave when Louis spoke up.  
  
“I must have missed it the first time, I'm not fluent in Spoiled Brat.” he growled back, pushing himself to his feet and earning a wide-eyed look from Georgie.  
  
Harry paused mid-step and turned to face him once more, green eyes narrowed dangerously. Louis would have been intimidated if he hadn't been so angry himself. “ _What was that?"_

“I think you heard me.” Louis said lowly through clenched teeth before spinning on his heel, knowing enough to walk away before his mouth got him into something his arse couldn't handle. Louis wasn't a fighter, though if he was in the right mood he could cause them left and right. 

He made it all of two steps before he was wrenched back around by the elbow.

Pulling against the painful grip and doing his best to ignore the crowd that had gathered to watch the show, Louis reacted before he knew what he was doing. “Get, your hands _off of me!_ ” he hissed, his hand lashing out followed by a sharp crack echoing throughout the now crowded hallway as his palm connected with the taller boy's cheek.

Harry's grip loosened in shock and Louis took the chance to bolt, gripping Georgie by the wrist and making a run for it. Harry, surprisingly, did not follow.

Georgie was laughing wildly by the time they reached his morning class. “You're my hero!” She gasped between giggles. “No one has ever had the balls... or vag, for that matter, to stand up to Harry.”  
  
“Yeah,” Louis breathed, fiddling with his robes for a moment. He had overreacted and he felt like an idiot. “guess... i'm just... mad like that.”  
  
“Brilliant, more like.” She clapped him on the back. “Just be careful, yeah? He's going to be on the warpath now.”  
  
Closing his eyes tightly, Louis leaned against the wall before looking down at his shoes. Sure, he could handle Harry one on one, if, _if_ , he was angry enough. But if Harry got a few of his friends together and decided to teach him a lesson? He was dead. What had he gotten himself into? “I... shoot. I didn't... _think_...about that.”  
  
Georgie bumped his hip with hers. “Hey, just... just stay where it's crowded for now. I'd say something comforting like ' _he'll forget about you in no time_ ,' but it'd be a lie. I'm afraid you've made yourself unforgettable to him.”

"I knew this place was..." Louis exhaled loudly blowing his bangs from his eyes and hunching in on himself. “...bad lu _ck_ ,” he let out a small laugh that sounded more like he was clearing his throat than anything else, then laughed harder when Georgie elbowed him in the ribs. “uh... mostly.” he corrected.

“God.” She giggled, “You're _such_ an awkward little duck. It's hard to believe you just bitch slapped Harry Styles.”

Louis shook his head and pursed his lips in a small smile. “Not a _duck_.”

“Mmmhmm.” Georgie hummed. “Get to class. Meet me for lunch.”

With that she went on her way and Louis sighed, letting himself be carried into the classroom with the crowd. He prayed he wouldn't have another run in with Harry any time soon.

-:-

After lunch and two hours of hearing whispers every time he passed a group of students in the hall, Louis had escaped to the boys lavatory and was splashing cool water on his face and neck when the door opened with a creak. He paid little attention, continuing with his task and trying to dispel the nerves that had been eating at him since that morning.

When Louis finally glanced up, he startled, his breath catching in his throat when he saw Harry standing behind him, their eyes meeting in the mirror. Louis looked away quickly but felt Harry's unwavering gaze on him, sending a shiver down his spine that had nothing to do with the fear he should be feeling. Doing his best to avoid the other boy's gaze, Louis ripped a napkin from the dispenser and wiped his hands and neck before chucking it and turning to face the older boy, his hands gripping the porcelain sink behind himself tightly.

“Look,” he began, the word coming out like a punch. "I-" 

“I'm looking.” Harry said, green eyes travelling up his body with a hunger Louis didn't understand.  
  
“If you... want _revenge_ ,” he spoke through clenched teeth, “just... do it.”

Harry took a step towards him, the corner of his mouth lifting. “What a feisty little thing you are.” 

Exhaling loudly, Louis' eyes flitted around the lavatory, landing on Harry briefly before he visibly shuddered and pushed himself from the sink, making for the door without another word to the other boy. Harry let him get halfway there before he found himself pressed against the wall, caged in by the older boy's arms on either side of him. Turning his head away, Louis braced himself for whatever pain Harry had planned for him. It never came.  
  
“Go out with me.”  
  
The words were so unexpected that Louis whipped his head around, nearly colliding with Harry's. “What.”  
  
This had to be a joke. A sick. Sick. Joke. Harry was probably plotting his murder right this very second and this was step 1 of Operation: Kill Louis. It would certainly explain the hungry look in those green eyes.

“No.” he managed to get out.  
  
Instead of getting angry at Louis' denial, a wide smile broke out across Harry's face, revealing a set of dimples that Louis couldn't help but admire. Fuck. Harry was truly beautiful, he thought grudgingly. All creamy skin, cherry lips, emerald eyes and charming smiles. 'Wolf in sheep's clothing' his mind supplied, and Louis knew that was exactly what Harry was. If everything he'd heard about the boy in front of him was true, that smile right there was his get out of trouble free card. And he _knew_ it.

“I've always enjoyed a challenge.” Harry purred.  
  
“Hm. Did you..." Louis side-eyed him, "did you figure that out when you discovered two plus two was four?”  
  
Harry's eyes darkened, as did his smile and Louis knew he'd gone too far.

“Go out with me.” he repeated. Louis blinked rapidly. He was beginning to wonder just how hard he'd hit Harry.

“No.”

Harry caught his chin between his thumb and pointer finger when he tried to look away again, forcing blue to meet green. “I'm afraid that's just not an acceptable answer.” he said in a silky voice that both frightened Louis and made his stomach clench with something he refused to acknowledge.

“Well, it's...” Louis let out a little huff, licking his lips and looking Harry in the eye, “It's the only you're going to get, so,”  
  
Harry let go of his chin but held his gaze with an almost fond look of his own, making Louis squirm internally and fight to keep it from showing externally. “Mm. I'll just have to convince you.”  
  
Looking down, Louis licked his lips again and pressed the back of his hand against Harry's  _solid_ stomach, sending a flash of heat through him as he pushed the taller boy away enough for him to continue to the door where he paused briefly.

“Don't.” Louis whispered before exiting the lavatory.

 


	2. 2. A Library Full of Questions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took me a bit to update; friggin head cold. You know how it is... it is what it is, is what it is. Okay. I may be hopped up on cold medicine.
> 
> Anyway, I've been locked in my room listening to Ellie Goulding on repeat and editing this slowly but surely, so here's another piece I've finished editing!

Louis pushed his way through the halls in a daze after remembering he was supposed to meet Georgie for lunch, his mind a whirlwind of confusion and questions: why hadn't Harry been angry about the slap? Why had he asked Louis for a _date_? Was he serious or were his intentions more _sinister?_  Did he think it was an opportunity to get revenge in a way that would devastate Louis?

And finally, the question that was really driving Louis batty: What in the _bloody hell_ would someone who looked like Harry want with _him_? Louis was very aware he wasn't anything... _special_ to look at, not that he was... _plain_... in the sense that he was a little odd looking, not attractive in any sense of the word as far as he knew - 'too small and too waif-like' according to his Aunt Bea. So what was behind Harry's sudden interest in him? It all seemed very suspicious to him and Louis wasn't entirely sure how he felt about the whole thing.

All he knew was that he was getting a headache just thinking about it. He felt an overwhelming need for his mother's comforting arms and sensible advice; Louis squeezed his eyes closed as his heart give a painful throb; _I miss you mum_.

Someone snapped their fingers in front of his face then and Louis jumped, feeling his face heat when he realized he'd been sitting across from Georgie staring into space for god knew how long. “Oh! I-I'm sorry, Georgie.”

“What's up with you?”  
  
“Uh...” Thinking for a moment, he decided what to share and what to edit out - Georgie would harangue him for details if he told her about his encounter in the lavatory with Harry – Nope. Encounter was _not_ the right word – while others would most likely overhear and it would get back to Harry. He scratched at his eyebrow, looking down in confusion at the tray of food Georgie had dropped in front of him and realizing he'd completely forgot to get lunch. “...nothing.”  

“ _Bullshit_.” she replied with narrowed eyes, waving a soggy chip at him before dunking it in ketchup and stuffing into her mouth in one go. “Spill, Tomlinson.”

Hunching in on himself a little, Louis looked up at her through his fringe and blew out a loud breath. “Just. Later, m'kay?”

Georgie's jaw dropped. “ _Oh my God!_ You ran into Ha-”

“Georgie!” he hissed, “ _Later._ ”  
  
Ignoring her anxious look he examined the tray in front of him again, deciding on the fruit salad instead of the squished grey looking hamburger. At least the fruit was fresh. He bit into a plump grape with a pleased little moan and avoided looking around too much; eye contact was an invitation for trouble.

“Heya Georgie...” A lilting voice greeted a few moments later, making his friend choke on one of her chips.

Louis glanced up from his lunch to see a smiling, red faced blond boy standing next to their table with his tray, hopefully eyeing up the seat next to Georgie. Louis side-eyed his friend, taking in the way her own red face matched to newcomer's and smirked a little. 

“Hello, Niall.” She quietly greeted back. A far cry from her usual bullish self, Louis noted. Hmmm. He wasn't the only one with boy trouble, it seemed. “This is my friend, Louis.”

“Hey.” Louis nodded at the boy. “You should,” he raised a brow at Georgie who looked to be trying to murder him with the power of her mind. “you should sit with us.”  
  
Niall's face broke into a wide smile and he eagerly sat down with his own heaping tray but his smile faded a little when Georgie continued eating without a word. Feeling bad, Louis decided to try and get a conversation going, not his strongest suit. He'd try regardless. “So, um... Niall. Are you a third or fourth year?”  
  
The smile came back as Niall turned to him, “Fourth, mate. Me ma sent me coz I kept getting into fights.”  
  
“Ah. The Fresh Prince of King + Cross.”  
  
Niall burst out laughing, leaving Louis dumbfounded. It hadn't been that funny...Niall threw an arm around Louis' shoulders causing him to recoil though the other boy didn't seem to notice. “You're alright, mate.”

“Uh...t-thank you.”  
  
“So how 'bout you? What's your story?”  
  
Louis bit his lip and looked away. It probably wasn't the best idea to start telling people his sob story. An edited version would do for now. “Uh.... my... grandmother, she... she wanted me to come here and um...” he pushed the leftover bits of fruit around the plate with his fork, “my dad and granddad went here too, so, it just sort of... yeah.”  
  
“You don't live with you're parents?” Niall asked curiously. Of course he'd be curious, Louis thought, it was only natural.  
  
“No,” he shook his head. “it's...” It's what? It's _complicated_? What was complicated about being an orphan? Alright, stupid question. He wasn't going to lie. “Both my parents... are... dead.”

“Shit, mate. I'm sorr-”

“I-It's alright, Niall.” Louis shrugged, keeping his eyes down, not wanting to see the pity pouring from both Niall and Georgie the way it always did from people who knew. “M'done eating.” he announced stupidly, reaching for his soda and taking a long drink of the ice cold fizzy liquid. “I'm gonna... head to the library. Need some books.”  
  
“Louis-” Georgie tried to stop him but he just smiled first at her and then at Niall, who looked guilty. Fuck.  
  
“We should hang out, after classes. You too, Niall.”  
  
Niall smiled back but the guilt didn't leave his face. And _that_ was why he hated telling people about his parents.  
  
Standing, Louis reached for his tray but Niall stopped him, “I'll finish up that burger.”

Louis nodded and left his seat.

Unbeknownst to him, Harry Styles was at the next table looking at his own tray with a frown.

 -:-

Louis was curled in the back of the library with an unopened book in his lap staring into space when a pair of legs appeared in front of him.

“Penny for your thoughts?”  
  
Feeling his heart startle, Louis shrunk back in shock for a split second before dropping his arms between his raised knees to grasp his fallen book tightly, glaring up at the intruder. Harry was leaning against the bookshelf with his arms crossed, smirking down at him in a way that made Louis want to throw a chair at him.

Clucking his tongue, Louis looked at the floor and began to thumb at the pages of his book, not wanting to engage the other boy in any way, but his curiosity failed him in the end. “How,” he looked back up at Harry, “how did you know... where I was?”  
  
“You don't strike me as social butterfly.” Harry answered flatly.  
  
Exhaling in annoyance, Louis blinked rapidly, trying to tramp down the wave of hurt embarrassment before pushing himself to his feet. He fussed with his fringe and pushed away from the wall; he needed to get away from this rude, albeit correct, jerk.

“Yeah." He shrugged, "Yeah, I guess... I'm not.” He agreed quietly and turned to walk away, pausing when a warm hand caught his.

Shuddering when he felt Harry's chest against the back of his right arm, Louis fought to keep his reaction hidden. He had a feeling this was going to become a regular thing.  
  
“You forgot your book.” Harry murmured, sweeping his thumb back and forth over Louis' wrist before placing the book in his hand, all traces of the cocky twat having disappeared. “I wasn't trying to be rude. Just pointing out an observation. It sets you apart from almost everyone else who goes here, you know.”

Biting his lip a little too hard, Louis looked at the taller boy from the corner of his eye and tried to ignore the warmth seeping into him from behind. “I doubt I'm... the only one who hides back here, so.”

“True,” Harry acknowledged with a nod, leaning a little too close for comfort. “But you're the only one who genuinely seems to want to be left alone. Everyone else would jump at the chance to hang out with the 'cool crowd'.”

“I'm not everyone.”  
  
“I can see that.”  
  
Louis licked his lips and forced himself to turn, “And, what if... what if I was only... faking? What if I was playing hard to get?” he asked, hoping to plant that seed in Harry's mind. Maybe then he'd leave him alone.  
  
“Mmm. It's happened before.” Harry smiled crookedly, flashing those dimples that Louis was beginning to hate for reasons unknown to him. “More than once I've watched them pretend, hoping to keep my attention longer. It never works.”

 _Annnd_  the cocky twat was back.

“Oh?” Louis blinked, “Well then, I guess, you have... no reason to...” he looked down at his shoes, caught between hoping Harry would leave him alone, and hoping he wouldn't. Dammit. “...talk to me then. Shame.” he let out a breathy laugh and turned to leave again, only to be stopped, again.  
  
“Nice try, love.” Harry purred into his ear.  
  
“What do you... _want_ , Harry?” Louis huffed, “And I don't.... don't believe this... whole, _date_ , thing.” He paused, looking down again. “There's some... ulterior motive, here. What is it? What do you ... _get..._ out of this?”  
  
Harry stared at him, head tilting slightly. Louis fought the urge to squirm under his gaze, feeling like Harry could somehow see straight through him. “You. That's what I get out of this.”  
  
Louis swallowed, face flushing red. Before he could reply, a tall, brown haired boy with the demeanor of a kicked puppy bounded around the corner. “Harry! There you are-”  
  
Harry didn't move, but his eyes lifted, tracking the newcomer with a look Louis couldn't place. “Liam.”

“Sorry to disturb you – it's just...” The boy named Liam looked at Louis for a moment, “Morgan, again.”  
  
“He just doesn't know when to quit, does he?” Harry growled, turning back to Louis who would have sneaked away by now if Harry didn't have him boxed in. “Until next time, lovely.”  
  
Louis' mouth fell open, prepared to tell the cocky prat off but he was already disappearing around the corner, leaving him irritated. “Next time my foot.”  
  
-:-

As the months passed, there were plenty of next times; Harry just wouldn't give up and Louis didn't understand why. What could he possibly have that the other boy wanted enough to pursue him this way? He was partly embarrassed, mostly because by now everyone was aware of Harry's little... obsession, or whatever it was and Louis had people coming at him left and right wanting to be " _friends_ " while others were just plain rude to him, starting rumours and calling him names like 'Harry's little cockslut' or 'Harry's whore.'

That didn't bother him because he knew there was no truth to it. But, why wouldn't Harry just... forget him? Move on to someone who was more _willing?_ Though, Louis knew it would bother him for reasons he refused to examine too closely. Okay. Maybe he'd grown to find Harry _tolerable_ , as ridiculous as that was. They had gone from Harry flirting and Louis deflecting, to bantering, to talking, even if it was disguised as banter and Harry flirting. Now, Louis wasn't so sure he _wanted_ Harry to leave him alone - again, for reasons he wanted nothing to do with. Even friendship seemed out of the question as that just meant more time spent with Harry, which, wasn't a good thing, he knew. He'd heard from countless people that Harry was a player - even Taylor Swift, who had been known as the 'Ice Queen' before Harry came along, had said he could charm the habit off of a nun.

Louis needed to keep away from... that.

Besides, after everything, Louis wasn't the first in line to give his heart away, especially not to someone who would probably stomp on it and throw it back at him once he had what he wanted.

But then, why was there something telling him Harry was a good person underneath it all?

 -:-

“I think it's illegal to give out this much homework!” Georgie complained as she slumped into the seat across from Louis and dropped her head dramatically onto the table with a 'thump'.

“I wish.” He muttered back, solving the last maths problem on his assignment before opening Romeo + Juliet.

His brain hurt. He couldn't remember having this big of a workload at his old school; these snobbish bastards wanted to kill their students slowly but surely. And Death by Shakespeare seemed somehow fitting in a place like this.

“Oh shut up Tomlinson,” Georgie snorted, tossing a balled up piece of paper at his forehead. “You're always done before the rest of us. Nerd.”

Giving a small smile, Louis shrugged.  
  
“Oh! Are you coming next Saturday?”  
  
“Coming ...where?” he asked distractedly as he read the first few lines and chewed the eraser on his pencil.  
  
“Christmas break begins Friday, _so_ a bunch of us are driving to London Saturday night to go dancing. It's tradition. Everyone does it.”  
  
“Uh...” Louis raised his eyebrows and rubbed at his cheek. Dancing? It was like she wanted him to make an idiot of himself. “I can't dance.”  
  
“Well just come and sit with us, guard our drinks.”  
  
“I don't - we're not even old enough-”  
  
“You need some fun in your life." She raised a hand. "I refuse to take no for answer.”  
  
Louis gave a stunted laugh. “That's... that's a pretty common thing, around here.”  
  
Georgie rolled her eyes. Surprisingly, she thought he was crazy for turning Harry down. Which was nuts. She knew he could be a dick. Louis had a feeling she had little crush on the other boy and he didn't like the way that made him feel. “Is that a yes?”  
  
“I-I guess, yeah.” he nodded.  
  
He was _so_ going to regret this, wasn't he?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Louis. Sometimes the head and heart just cannot agree. And yes. Stuff will happen during their night out. 
> 
> Thoughts?


	3. 3.Only a Dance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for being away so long! My laptop crashed and I couldn't get it fixed right away because my usual place was backed up with tons of jobs, but I'm back and it's a bloody relief to have my laptop back!!! I'll try to update every few days!
> 
> Sorry for any mistakes!

Louis sat on his bed in his grandmother's house happy to be home as Georgie rummaged through his closet. Ruth had agreed to let him spend the night at Niall's, a lie Georgie had convinced him to tell her in order to go out later that night. He didn't like lying but he supposed it was harmless enough. Louis had only just decided he would go, again. After he told Georgie he would the last time, he'd ended up overhearing someone talking about how Harry was taking Cara Delevingne to the club and it took all of two seconds for him to feel jealousy and also decide he wasn't going.

He knew it was silly to be jealous, but he couldn't help wondering why Harry hadn't asked him.

It had taken Georgie five days to get him to agree to go, again.  
  
“You have the wardrobe of an eighty year old.” Georgie grumbled, closing the closet door. Louis shrugged.  
  
“We're going shopping. Get your coat.”  
  
“No.” Louis shook his head rapidly even as Georgie gripped his wrist and began yanking him towards the door.  
  
“What did I tell you about that word?”  
  
“You don't know what it means?”  
  
“Exactly.”

-:-

Louis stared at himself in the dressing room mirror, lip curled in disgust. “What am I wearing?” he called to Georgie who was on the other side of the door.  
  
“I don't know. I can't see through walls, dummy.”  
  
Sighing loudly and hanging his head in defeat, he pushed the door open and spread his arms. A low whistle followed. “This is the outfit!”

Louis pulled a face and looked back into the mirror at the white, _way too tight_ , trousers and black button up, also too tight, and too _short -_ if he even moved an inch the wrong way his stomach would hang out. And no one needed to see that, did they?

“Jesus Christ kid, you've got more curves than a country road.” Georgie pinched his side. “Who knew all this hotness was hidden under that shitty uniform?”  
  
Looking down, Louis yanked on the button up uselessly trying to making it longer somehow. He'd always been self-conscious of his body; boy's weren't supposed to have 'curves'. It was one of the reason's he'd ordered his school uniform three sizes too big. “Let's just pay for this and get something to eat.” He huffed, turning to shoo her so he could change back into his blue sweatpants and white t-shirt. He jumped as she smacked his arse.  
  
“Sure thing, JLO.”

-:-

Louis sat in front of the mirror in Georgie's _boudoir_ as she finished teasing and moussing and blow drying his hair into an effortlessly messy look. “I look like Peter Pan.” He grumped, reaching up to push his moussed fringe out of his right eye. He was used to just being able to flick his hair and go. Now it was...stuck. He didn't like it so much.  
  
“You _look_ like you've been sucking on a lemon,” Georgie replied, slapping his hand away from his hair before reaching for a small bottle of cologne and aiming it at him. He was out of his chair so fast he nearly knocked it over.  
  
“No! I already look like a rent boy. I don't need to smell like one.”  
  
Georgie rolled her eyes but relented before coming to stand next to him in her black and silver mini dress and sky-high heels, her brown hair falling in loose waves around her shoulders. “Damn. We look good.” She whistled.  
  
Louis' nose twitched.

-:-

  
They had been at the club for exactly ten minutes and Louis had already witnessed a drug deal, Georgie doing shots and Harry grinding on Cara's ass. The night just kept getting better it seemed. Harry hadn't seen him thank goodness, that would have been awkward. He sunk further into the booth where Georgie had dumped him to go dance with Niall and continued watching people dance. Niall and Georgie had finally stopped -no pun intended- dancing around each other and were now dating, thank god. At least now she wasn't up his ass about Harry every three seconds.  
  
Spotting Georgie making her way toward him with drinks, Louis sighed. She never quit.

“Drink this.” Georgie shoved a shot glass at him. “It'll loosen you up.”  
  
“I'd rather have my faculties about me, thanks.”  
  
“One or two drinks won't have you pole dancing and gangbanging in the alley, Ducky. Drink up.”

Rolling his eyes, he reached for the shot glass cautiously. “You're ridiculous. One shot.”

Louis did a full body shudder as the liquid seared his insides like a blowtorch all the way down. The part about it loosening him up however, was true. And he found himself letting Georgie drag him onto the dancefloor. Louis had no clue how to dance but allowed the beat of the music influence his movement; hips swaying, hands occupied with Georgie's until a boy cut in and she went back to dancing with Niall after giving him the thumbs up and a crude wink.

Louis moved in time with the slow rhythm of the song, allowing the boy to pull him closer – he was nice looking, not really Louis' type, but it was only a dance.

Just as the song changed to Maroon 5's cover of [_Sex and Candy_](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GWRJDp-dfxg), the boy stopped moving suddenly and backed up, his eyes going wide as if he'd just been caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Before he could wonder why, another body pressed against his from behind, an arm slipping around his waist while the other gripped his wrist.

He didn't have to turn around to know it was Harry, his Tom Ford cologne giving him away. Or at least that's what Louis told himself. For a moment, he considered shoving away and going back to his seat so Harry could get back to _Cara_ , but then he remembered, it was only a dance. Clinging to that, Louis allowed himself to sink back into Harry's warmth, swaying his body to the slow, hypnotic beat of the song while Harry began a rhythm to match his.

Louis' eyes slid closed, a shiver running through him as Harry's lips brushed his cheekbone. He couldn't stop himself from turning into it. The hand around his wrist tightened then, tugging his arm up until it looped around the back of Harry's neck, while Harry's other hand came to rest on the bared skin of his belly where the shirt had ridden up, pulling Louis' body further into his own.  
  
Another shudder wracked Louis as he felt something hard digging into the small of his back. He tensed, a small whine leaving his mouth but the noise was drowned out by the music. Louis knew then that he had to get away before he did something stupid, it may have only been a dance but the proximity to Harry was anything but 'only'. Before he could execute his plan for escape, his head was being turned and then Harry's soft, plump lips were on his. The kiss was light and soft, the complete opposite of what he had expected it to be. It was enough to have goosebumps erupting all over Louis' body, his lips parting on a gasp and Harry took the chance to delve deeper, plunging his tongue inside and claiming his mouth. Louis didn't fight it, letting his mouth be ravished right there in the middle of the dancefloor. The ache that had been steadily building between his legs since this had started suddenly became acute and sharp, making him push back against Harry's crotch.

The rough contact was enough to snap him from the lust filled haze and Louis gasped, pulling away from the older boy and stumbling back a few steps, licking his lips, the taste of Harry lingering on them.

Louis did the only thing he could think of. He ran.

He ignored his name being called and pushed himself through the plethora of sweaty bodies, not sure where he was going, only knowing he had to get away. Soon, he found himself in the bathroom, the sounds of the music outside muffled as the door swung shut. If he'd been hoping for sanctuary, he'd come to the wrong place. As he calmed down enough to become aware of his surroundings, he heard moaning and realized someone was having sex in one of the stalls and began backing away towards the door, rushing back out into the darkness of the club. He decided then that he was never coming back to a place like this, he didn't fit in here. Now that his mind had cleared, he felt a little silly for running away like that, he could've just told Harry he wanted to sit down, unfortunately, his brain never seemed to work around the older boy.  
  
Deciding he needed to find Georgie even though he knew she was probably with Niall, had him pushing through the crowd once more, he made it about halfway before someone put their hands on him. The feeling left him cold and Louis knew it wasn't his Harry.

Louis attempted to shrug the guy off, letting him know he wasn't interested but it didn't seem to have any affect and he was only pulled back roughly. “Not interested.” he huffed, eager to find his friend. When he was yanked back a second time he attempted to shove the guy off, hoping to get the point across the guy's no doubt alcohol laced brain but it only seemed to anger him.

“You need to be taught some manners,” the guy sneered, gripping his hips. The words sent ice seeping through his veins and Louis feel sick as he fought to get loose.  
  
“I said no!” Louis growled, shoving at the guy's chest as he was forcefully dragged from the dancefloor. This was one of those times Louis cursed his size as he tried to plant his feet. “Get off of me!”  
  
With his wrists trapped, Louis tried to kick out, unwittingly making it easier to be carried. He looked around in fear as he realized he was being dragged to the back door and fought harder. If this guy got him alone in the alley, he was in big trouble. Louis was sure people could see him struggling but no one made a move to help him; they probably thought it was some kinky sex game or something.

Desperate and on the verge of hyperventilation, he pushed forward and sunk his teeth into the guy's meaty forearm, causing him to shout and his grip to loosen, the moment it did, Louis scrambled away, wiping the blood from his lips as he squeezed his way through the crowd. The music was fast paced now and he realized no one would have heard his screams - the thought mixed with blood on his tongue had him ready to vomit. Tossing a glance behind himself, he realized the guy was still after him and Louis tried to move quicker, if that guy got his hands on him again he would probably kill him. Or rape him. Or both.  
  
And then Louis was going to come back and kill Georgie for ever convincing him this was a good idea.  
  
Suddenly there were hands on his shoulders and Louis jerked away, terrified the guy had caught up with him until he looked up into green eyes. Louis had never felt so overcome with relief in his life.

“Harry!” he choked, throwing himself at the taller boy and wrapping his arms around his his neck tightly, he realized then that he'd been crying as tears seeped through Harry's white t-shirt.  
  
Harry gripped his upper arms tightly, pushing him back until he was arms length. Louis feared he was angry with him for running away until Harry's thumb dug into his chin.

“What the fuck happened?” Harry growled, eyes darkening as he took in the smaller boy's distraught state. “There's blood on your face.” he added angrily.

Swallowing convulsively, Louis' looked around in panic, suddenly terrified the guy would find them and hurt Harry. “I-I-I-” before he could form the sentence, he caught sight of his angry pursuer over Harry's left shoulder.

“Oi, Styles!” The guy called and Louis' eyes widened in horror; _they knew each other?_ Harry took in his expression with narrowed eyes and Louis began to fight against his hold as the guy clapped Harry on the back, eyeing Louis with an expression full of lust and equal hatred. “Thanks for keepin him warm for me.”

Louis watched as Harry's face went from angry to cold, void of any kind of emotion before he turned to face the guy, pushing Louis behind him. “You put your hands on him?” Harry asked, his voice deceptively silky.

The guy's eyes widened like he'd suddenly had some sort of realization but didn't answer. Louis was surprised to see fear in those muddy brown eyes that had been so cocky and sadistic only minutes ago. Harry moved forward then, his movements fluid and almost graceful as he gripped the back of the guy's head and slammed him against the nearest table, twisting his arm behind his back. “I don't like repeating myself, Morgan.” Harry said softly, his tone contradicting his actions.  
  
“Bloody hell!” the guy, Morgan, gasped in pain. “I didn't know he was yours!”  
  
“Clearly.” Harry growled, “Even you aren't stupid enough to touch what's _mine_.” He punctuated the last word by smashing Morgan's head off of the table and letting him slide to the floor in an unconscious heap. Shocked gasps echoed around them from the near-by onlookers.

Louis backed away as Harry turned to face him once more; what the hell kind of teenager could do something like that? Louis realized then that the boy who had been pursuing him for the last four months was dangerous, and that scared him, it also made him feel... protected and safe, as crazy as that sounded. Harry stepped closer, face determined until his eyes focused on something behind Louis, then he surged forward, gripping Louis' wrist and yanking him through the crowd towards the door. Louis let himself be pulled, feeling safer with Harry than he did in the club but not before throwing a look over his shoulder and seeing a bouncer heading in their direction.

A cold blast of December air hit Louis as they exited the club at a run, the sound of Harry laughing wildly echoing as he pulled Louis through the parking lot, their breath visible in the frigid wind. Louis stumbled once on a patch of ice and caught himself against Harry's shoulder, suddenly realizing the older boy was wearing nothing but his t-shirt. Louis' own garb wasn't much warmer but at least he had sleeves.

Soon they stopped in front of a black car and Louis heard a jingle as Harry fished his keys from his pocket, a beep following as he unlocked the doors. As Louis closed the door, Harry turned the heater on and leaned back against his seat with a devious smile. “That was fun.”

Louis exhaled sharply, his eyes darting back and forth in annoyance at Harry's nerve. “A-a-are you...” he shuddered, clenching his teeth. “you're...” he shook his head, abandoning trying to speak and doing his seat belt up instead – the click had him remembering something. “Georgie...” he whispered.

“What _is_ it with you and that girl?” Harry snapped, irritated, his knuckles going white with how hard he was gripping the wheel.  
  
Louis blinked, brows furrowing at his tone. “...um she's... she's my _friend_...”  
  
“Oh, is that all?” Harry snorted sarcastically.

“Why do you...” he looked down before glancing back up. “care?”

Harry turned as far he could, his face a mix of incredulous amusement and irritation. “Are you being serious?”  
  
“What?”  
  
“How can you not know why I would care about something like that?”  
  
“Harry,” he breathed quietly, hands fidgeting in his lap. “I _know_...you, want me ...in your bed for...some reason. But... that's _different._ You-”  
  
Harry's eyes widened then, a loud cackling laugh bursting from him making Louis jump. “You think I want to _fuck_ you?”

Louis froze, his cheeks suddenly burning with embarrassment as his chest tightened.  “I- uh... sorry.” Clearing his throat awkwardly, he forced out a pained little laugh. “God. I am... so sorry. Harry. It was completely ridiculous of me to... I-”

“You're damn right it's ridiculous,” Harry cut him off and Louis bit his lip, nodding. He'd never been more embarrassed! “I want to fuck you _and_ keep you.”  
  
Louis' eyes snapped up and he reached over to slap the other boy's bare arm causing him to cackle again. “Did you have _any_ friends as a child?!” Louis huffed, only serving to make Harry laugh harder. “Take me home.”

Harry leered. “Gladly.”

“My home. Harold.”

“Even better.”  
  
“You're not invited inside.” Louis hoped Harry caught his double meaning, it was so unsubtle even he would understand, surely.

Harry beamed at him, turning the dimples on him full force. “I'm patient.”

“Mental patient.” he muttered and Harry laughed again as he pulled out of the lot.  
  
“Once or twice.” Harry shrugged.  
  
Louis gaped before his eyes narrowed. Harry was fucking with him. Harry side-eyed him but otherwise kept his eyes on the road. “I have difficulty controlling my temper.”  
  
“Yeah...” Louis nodded once, pushing his fringe from his eyes nervously. “I uh...I kind of... guessed, when you, you know...smashed that bloke's head off the... table.”

 Harry squeezed the steering wheel again, the veins in his hands bulging, knuckles white. “I should have done a lot worse.” He said darkly.

Louis bit his lip, looking away before settling his gaze on Harry. “I'm okay,” he assured. “T-Thank you.”  
  
“You bit him,” Harry mused, thumbs tapping out a rhythm on the wheel.  
  
Louis snorted out a small giggle. “He grabbed my arse.”  
  
Harry didn't answer him, his expression angrier than Louis had ever seen it. Louis was about to try and smooth it over when Harry reached for the radio, turning the music up loud enough that neither of them would be heard even if they did speak and Louis suspected it was the temper thing the older boy had warned him about.  
  
“ _Tell me something I need to know_  
Then take my breath and never let it go  
_I_ _f you just let me_ _i_ _nvade you're space_  
I'll take the pleasure

 _take it with the pain..._ ”

Louis' face flushed for what seemed like the hundredth time that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The link for Sex and Candy is in the story.
> 
> Should Louis go with Harry soon ...or make him wait longer? Or friendzone him? :P
> 
> Thoughts/predictions? (Comments are fuel people!)


	4. 4. How to Solve a Problem Like Harry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The editing is going faster than I thought. What can I say? I missed this. So here's another chapter! 
> 
> Sorry for any mistakes.
> 
> Enjoy!

Louis didn't see Harry again over the Holidays and found that he actually... missed him. Idiot! He thought. Harry was probably vacationing in a hot climate with a different girl or boy...or both.. on his arm (and bed) every day and hadn't thought of Louis once since dropping him off that night nearly two weeks ago. And what was pathetic little Louis Tomlinson doing? Pining away for a boy he knew would never be serious about wanting him no matter what he said to the contrary.

He attempted to distract himself at every turn; helping his gran with Holiday parties, charity functions, babysitting little cousins he hadn't known he had, vegging with Georgie and Niall, or playing cards in the kitchen with the staff. It worked to a degree. He'd won a hundred gummy bears from Chef Cumberbatch who had handed them over with a sour face while the sous Chef, Martin, had rolled his eyes at the man and told him to quit being “s _uch a baby, goddammit.”_

He also enjoyed helping the maids around the house, making conversation with them as he helped make beds, vacuum, or dust shelves. Ruth had learned not to interfere early on and everyone who worked in the house had grown to love him, and to Louis, they were just as much his family as his grandmother was. However, it came at a price which manifested in the form of typically nosey family members who noticed everything, including the change in him when he'd come home from King + Cross. How was he supposed to keep his mind off of Harry when every time he rounded a corner someone was asking him if he'd met someone?

“ _..._ _'_ _ave that special look about y_ _ou_ _._ ” the maid, Adele, would say before sharing a tale or two about her various heartbreaks - Louis thought she would have made an excellent song writer.

While all of these distractions occupied his days, his nights weren't as... untroubled. Mostly due to the fact that every time he closed his eyes he was bombarded with the very face of his disconcert. More than once he'd had to quickly rip the sheets from his bed in the morning before the maids could get in to make it. 

That morning he'd awakened with a smothered cry; panting and covered in sweat, arousal pounding through his body after a too vivid, too _real_ , dream of Harry pinning his knees to his shoulders and slamming into him – he'd been _seconds_ from coming when he woke. God either hated him or loved him, he wasn't sure which at this point. When he'd tried to move he couldn't stop the whine that had escaped him at the sensations thrumming through him: his nipples pebbled and sensitive, stomach tight with with need, cock throbbing, his ass aching to be filled. Hated him. Definitely hated him. Instead of taking care of the problem, Louis shoved the blankets off and headed for the bathroom where he'd taken an icy shower. It hadn't helped at all.

At 11AM Louis bundled up, packed a thermos of hot tea and the lunch Ben had made him and hiked into the woods. There was a small lake on the other side that he had always meant to visit - it would be frozen this time of year but it would offer solace and a quiet place to gather his thoughts. And maybe finally make a decision about a Harry.

Forty minutes later when he finally made it to the opening in the trees he was slightly out of breath but it had felt good to use his muscles. Yanking a mitten off with his teeth and unzipping his coat, he reached into an inner pocket for his phone to check the time: 12:04  
  
Louis was surprised he'd made it to the other side in just over an hour. Spotting a big rock, he traipsed over and dropped himself on it to catch his breath and take in his surroundings. It really was a beautiful spot. White as far as the eye could see, the trees covered in ice crystals, a fresh blanket of snow painting the ground perfectly, but what he enjoyed most was the quiet.

Louis could see a mansion on the other side of the lake and wondered who lived there. Were they snobs or more like his gran? His mind lingered on the house for a moment before his thoughts turned to the problem that was Harry Styles. 

He liked Harry, wanted him. More that he'd ever wanted or planned to and the kiss at the club had only made matters worse. But, it wasn't something he could trust. It could and most likely would get him hurt. Louis couldn't afford to fall in love. If it ended badly, _he_ would be the one left bereft and hurting, _he_ would be the one to pick up the shards of a broken heart that was already missing pieces to begin with. And there was a very high possibility it would end.

People like Harry didn't mix with people like him: low born and clueless to the workings of higher society. Breeding was everything to people like them and even though Louis came from a wealthy, respected family, he had been raised in the slums of Doncaster and that would always be who he was no matter what fancy school he was sent to. He didn't know why Harry had taken an interest in him, but he did know it wouldn't last, couldn't last. Whatever it was, Harry rebelling against his parents, a misguided crush, a bet he had lost, or him just flat out wanting Louis in his bed, it would end with Harry realizing he was too good for Louis and moving on to pursue a relationship with someone acceptable. _But only if Louis gave in_.

And this was where liking Harry became a problem. It would be so much easier to say no and actually _mean_ it if he didn't get hot shivers and goosebumps whenever the older boy spoke to him, relentlessly flirting and refusing to take no for an answer. Louis knew the reason for this was that Harry could sense Louis wanted him back - if he _hadn't_ felt something, hadn't responded to Harry the way he had that first day, Harry most likely would have left him alone.

The dreams didn't help either. In his dreams, Harry had already taken him every way possible, making him writhe and scream in pleasure while he slept and torturing him with indecision while he was awake.

He wasn't stupid. Louis knew he was afraid. Afraid to take a chance on Harry despite _something_ inside that told him everything would work out. Afraid because... well, to put it plainly, he wanted Harry with every ounce of his being, he knew that now. He also knew how utterly insane it was and refused to let himself give in. Louis had a feeling Harry knew this and had resolved to take down his walls brick by brick to get to him. His reasoning however, was questionable, something Louis couldn't trust. It was just... safer, to say no. If only he could stay strong enough.

The sound of a dog barking snapped Louis from his thoughts, his heart rate picking up slightly in fear. He really hoped he wasn't about to be eaten by a pack of wolves. Looking around, Louis realized the barking was coming from across the lake and squinted, seeing what looked like a German Shepherd – he couldn't tell from this distance – bouncing along beside it's owner, who was walking the snow covered shoreline.

Louis smiled, feeling a little more comfortable knowing he wasn't completely alone and realized then that he was starving and turned to the pack he had brought.

He pulled out his thermos first before fishing out the paper bag containing the lunch Benedict had packed for him - Louis rolled his eyes when he realized there was enough food in there to feed four people. Did the man think he was going to get lost in the woods for a week or something? Tugging out half of one of the sandwiches, Louis took a small bite and turned to continue watching the dog and his owner but started when he saw the dog was halfway across the lake and running straight towards him, his owner shouting as he pursued the run away dog. The food, Louis realized, putting the sandwich back in the paper bag and stuffing it in the pack.

As the dog and his owner got closer, Louis could make out the words the guy was shouting, “Shadow! Get back here!”

It was useless as the dog had already reached the shoreline and was now making his way to Louis, his owner still in the middle of the lake and occasionally skidding on the ice. As he got closer, Louis thought the voice sounded familiar... he jumped when the dog's nose bumped his thigh and smiled. He loved dogs, had grown up with one. Lady had been her name. He spoke softly as he reached out to pet the dog, Shadow, the man had called-- Louis leaned over a little to check-- _him_. “Hey boy,” Louis cooed, “Sniffed out my sandwich, did ya?”  
  
Shadow huffed and pawed at the bag, making Louis feel bad. He looked up and realized the guy was getting closer and continued petting the dogs head. “If your daddy says it's okay, I'll give ya a lil something but you have to wait.” he told the dog as if he could understand, and it seemed he did, plopping himself down at Louis' feet and staring up hopefully, tail wagging.  
  
“Shadow, you bugger.”  
  
Louis' back stiffened.

He knew that deep voice.

Sighing deeply, Louis rolled his eyes heavenward; _You have a sick sense of humour_ , he thought at whoever was responsible for this bad joke. _Kismet_ , Ruth would say.

“Shad- _Louis?_ ”  
  
Pursing his lips, Louis turned his head slowly to look at the barely out of breath boy -figures- and stared for a second. “That house is yours.” he stated, inclining his chin at the mansion on the other side of the lake. _Of course_ it was. Louis was really starting to think God didn't love him.  
  
“Yeah... you live near by?”  
  
Twitching his nose, Louis was slightly confused, he had just assumed Harry knew who his grandmother was and therefor knew where he lived. “Um... yes. I... live... with my Grandmother, Ruth...” he looked back at the dog, “uh... on the other side of the woods.”

“Seems like fate is on our side.” Harry said, eyes sparkling with amusement. 

“I was...” Louis exhaled loudly, “I was just...thinking...” he squeezed his eyes closed, wondering why this was happening. “...the same... _thing_.”  
  
“Really now.”  
  
Louis' eyes widened when he realized how that sounded. “I- I mean... that's... not...” At a loss he held up the bag, “hungry?”  
  
Harry didn't even glance at the bag. “You have no idea.”  
  
Blushing, Louis ignored the other boy and reached into the bag, not really hungry anymore but needing to focus on something other than the way Harry was looking at him. Next to his leg, Shadow licked his chops and shifted. Louis looked up at Harry and back to the dog. Harry nodded, lips quirking in a small smile as Louis fed half his sandwich to Shadow and offered the other half to Harry, who accepted it with a nod.  
  
They ate in silence, Harry finishing his half quickly while Louis managed all of three bites with Harry staring at him. He offered Harry another half but he declined so he fed it to Shadow. The dog snarfed it down happily before taking off to sniff around the treeline, leaving Louis to Harry, who dropped down on the rock next to him, never once taking his eyes from Louis.

“What brought you all the way out here?” Harry asked, curiosity genuine in his voice.

Keeping his eyes on the ground in an attempt to keep his composure, Louis played with his mittens. “Just... wanted to get out, I guess. Needed to... think.”

Harry made a humming noise and Louis could still feel those green eyes overheating him despite the cold December wind. “Anything in particular on your mind?” the question sounded knowing. Louis hoped he could pass off his blush as cold.

“School.” Louis answered almost too quickly.

He jumped when Harry's hot breath ghosted across his icy cheek. “You're an awful liar.”

Louis swallowed thickly, fighting the shiver that had nothing to do with the cold. “I know.”  
  
“Then why do you bother?” Harry sounded curious again, his lips grazing Louis' cheek, inching closer to his lips, almost as if he could feel Louis' weakness, how _weak_ his resolve was becoming.  
  
“It's safer.”  
  
“Safety is overrated.” Harry breathed, his voice becoming more husky each time he spoke and it was getting to Louis, reminding him of his dreams where Harry would whisper filthy words and pretty promises in his ear as he slid in and out of Louis' willing body. The thought had his stomach clenching with desire and Louis chewed the inside of his cheek to keep himself from moaning, or begging Harry to touch him right here.

How had this escalated so quickly? There was nothing sexy about sitting outside in the freezing cold with a red nose and a stupid hat but the cold only enhanced Harry's beauty, making his cheeks rosy and lips a deep red. Louis wanted to taste those lips again.

“Sometimes it's all we have.” Louis said quietly. He squeezed his eyes closed, wishing Harry would back off and make it easier for him not to _want_. Harry seemed to understand this and pressed his forehead to Louis' temple for a split second before pulling away. The unexpected display of tenderness had Louis turning his head and reaching over to grip Harry's face to pull him back before he could register what he was doing. Their lips slotted together in a mix of cold and hot a second later and Harry went wild, pushing Louis down onto the flat of the rock and rolling on top of him to settle between his thighs. His hands cupped Louis' face and his tongue delved deep, making the smaller boy whimper and open to him, not even caring that the rock they were on was digging into his back as he sucked Harry's tongue into his mouth and slipped his hands under Harry's hat to grip his curls, knocking the hat onto the snowy ground.

Harry groaned, lips pressing harder against his like he couldn't make the kiss deep enough. Louis took it, allowing his mouth to be taken and moaning each time their tongues swept together, the tightness between his thighs growing unbearable. It was so much better than his dreams. Louis shivered as Harry reached for the zipper on his coat, tugging it down just far enough to expose his throat before pulling away from the kiss to attach his lips to the pale skin of Louis' neck making him arch up and grind his hips into Harry's in desperation, the wet suction driving him mad with need and he vaguely wondered if everyone's neck's were this sensitive.

Louis felt warmth coiling deep in his belly and it left no doubt that he was about to spill himself right there. The realization was like a bucket of ice water being thrown in his face.

“No!” He gasped, suddenly terrified. If he allowed this, his last defence against Harry would come crashing down. He couldn't let it. Pushing at Harry, Louis quickly scrambled out from under the bigger boy who was now looking at him with hurt in his green eyes, his lips cherry red and swollen, hair mussed, making him look young and vulnerable in a way Louis didn't think was possible.

Louis felt guilty; he never should have allowed this to happen. “I'm... I have to go.” he darted forward, reaching for his bag before taking off into the trees, leaving Harry sitting on the rock.

-:-

Louis collapsed on his bed and let the tears fall, his body still thrumming with unfulfilled desire and regret. Regret for running away, regret for letting it happen in the first place and most of all, regret for causing that hurt look in Harry's eyes. 

He needed to make a decision soon.

-:-

Over the next week, Louis was swamped with guilt. _What was wrong with him?_ Why couldn't he be like everyone else and treat sex like it meant nothing? Let Harry fuck him until it was out of both their systems and move on? It seemed like it would be a lot easier that way instead of torturing them both with the aching need and indecision that had plagued them since the day they had met. Indecision that rested on his shoulders completely.

He knew why. It wasn't who he was. Some people saw sex as something unimportant, a bloody sport, but no matter how much he tried to push himself into that mindset, he couldn't help feeling like he was betraying himself. Sex might not mean anything to some, but to him, when he decided to give himself to someone - _who was he kidding he knew it would be Harry one way or another_ \- he wanted it to mean something, wanted it to be special. Kids like himself these days were taught it was nothing by every media outlet, and secretly, Louis thought that was why so many relationships failed. Call him a prude or stuck up, but he knew himself well enough to know casual sex wasn't for him. And if that's all Harry wanted from him, he couldn't, wouldn't, allow himself to be tangled in that kind of relationship.

If he was being honest with himself, he wanted more. He wanted _Harry._ But he wanted all of him. Maybe Harry would agree, maybe he would make promises. That was what frightened Louis the most. Letting himself believe Harry if he made those promises, giving himself to Harry and then having it all ripped away. He had lost enough. Yet there was a nagging feeling that sounded a lot like his mother's voice telling him he would always be unhappy if he guarded himself too closely, if he didn't allow himself to take chances.

There was a constant war within him, and it seemed like no matter which side he eventually gave in to, it would end in pain. But he could only hide behind his fears and make excuses for so long before something had to give.

-:-

Louis smiled to himself as the car turned down the familiar road bringing him closer to King + Cross. He felt almost... serene, yet he was also excited. Today, he was going to tell Harry how he felt. After weeks of pining days and torturous nights, Louis finally admitted to himself that he wanted Harry, needed him. He was ready to let go of all his hang-ups and fears and just... let himself be with Harry. Sure, he was still frightened, but he couldn't go on the way he had been, it hurt too much to bear any longer. He just hoped he wasn't too late and Harry still wanted him.

 

The day passed slowly without any sign of Harry and Louis was beginning to lose his nerve. He hadn't said anything to Georgie or Niall, this was something he had to handle on his own, not to mention she would probably terrify him off course in trying to say something comforting. Louis sighed in annoyance as he realized he'd forgotten his assignment from Mr. Middleton's class. Now he had to go all the way back upstairs. He just wanted to go back to his room and flop on the bed, maybe take a nap before beginning his homework. He could wait another day to tell Harry. If his nerves and self-doubt didn't talk him out of it before morning, that was.

Louis paused by the door to Mr. Middleton's empty classroom, sure he'd heard something. He listened a moment. Nothing. He shrugged and rounded the corner,  stopp ing dead at the sight  that awaited him.

The first thing he saw was Harry's back. The second, was  Cara De levingne  on her knees  sucking  him off .

Louis felt his entire body go frigid and numb, his knees nearly giving out under the rush of shock and hurt. Though, Louis shouldn't really be shocked now, should he? But he was. He'd fooled himself into thinking... fuck. He was so stupid.

Despite the burning  stab s  of jealousy  and  hur t, Louis felt relief  mixed in  as well.  H ow much worse would he have felt seeing this if he had given in  to Harry before?

The pair didn't notice Louis standing in the doorway  and he nearly laughed out loud  even though he felt his eyes pricking. He had been right about Harry the whole time.  Louis bit back everything he was feeling in that moment and  crept in  to  lift the top of the desk, gathering his papers quietly as possible before letting  it  slip  off his finger. The bang echoed through the room and Harry jumped. Cara choked. Good.

“What the fuck-” Harry spun around as Louis was putting his papers in his bag. Louis refused to look up.  
  
“Don't mind me, forgot my notes.” He looked at Harry then, whose face was... stricken, in a way Louis hadn't expected. Louis felt a wave of anger go through him. It was silly, he had no claim over Harry, the boy could do as he wished. Still, he felt the need to hurt him the way he was hurting.

“Louis, wait. I-”

“You...what?” Louis crossed his arms over his chest, “You're free to do as you please, Harry. Nothing's holding you back. I'm actually happy this happened.”  
  
“What?”  
  
Louis looked down. He needed to get out of there. “I actually had myself talked into- fuck. Goodbye, Harry.” He nodded at the girl still on the floor, “Cara.” He turned on his heel, leaving Harry staring at him with his mouth open.  
  
He had never felt so stupid in all his life. At the same time, it wasn't like Harry had cheated on him, they weren't together. This was all his own fault and he knew it. Louis quickened his steps down the corridor when he heard a desk skidding on the floor and Cara calling after Harry. He was almost to the doors when something crashed into his back. Louis gasped as Harry pushed him against the lockers, flinching back at the almost crazed look on the taller boy's face.

“Had yourself talked into what?”

“It doesn't matter,” Louis snapped, trying to shove Harry away.  
  
“The fuck it doesn't!” Harry snapped right back, his hand slamming loudly against the locker behind Louis' head. “ _Had yourself talked into what?_ ”

Louis stared straight ahead and refused to speak. What was done was done. He just wanted to go back to his room. Harry punched the locker again and Louis jumped, startled by the force behind it.

“You know what? Fuck you, Louis. I'm done with your hot and cold bullshit and I'm done waiting for you. You're clearly not worth it.” Harry spat, pulling back and glaring at him before turning to walk away.

Louis watched him go, feeling like he'd been slapped. He squeezed his eyes closed for a moment before leaving too. Had Harry cared for him? Surely not. If he had, it wouldn't have been so easy for him to turn to Cara. To walk away.

_You made it easy for him, you idiot._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bad Harry! Then again, Louis rejected him... and if Harry's feelings for him are genuine well, it had to hurt. 
> 
> Thoughts?


	5. Whiplash

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for any mistakes, it's late.

“...parents are here unfortunately so we sort of have to make an appearance but then we'll just steal some food later and hide up here for the rest of the – are you listening to me at all?”

Louis blinked, looking away from his reflection in the mirror hanging on the closet door, his face heating up. Georgie had been talking for a good ten minutes and he'd heard maybe fifteen percent of it. Good friend. He was a good friend.

“Sorry.” He muttered. “I don't know Georgie, I should probably... stay close to Ruth. Liv was one of her closest friends.” He added, buttoning his black dress shirt while Georgie waited on his bed in a long sleeve black dress.  
  
A friend of Ruth's that Louis had never even met had died and she was holding the memorial at Warwick. Louis wasn't sure what he was supposed to do. He'd thought comforting people would come easier after losing someone so close to him, yet all he could think to do was give Ruth a hug and then awkwardly back away. In truth Louis hadn't really wanted to come back to Warwick for the weekend, afraid he'd never want to return to King + Cross if he did. He just wanted to go back to his old school and forget about everything that had happened during his time at King + Cross.

Forget about Harry.

It had been a month since Louis had walked in on Harry with Cara and it was like he had never met the older boy. Harry didn't try to speak with him again, didn't come around him, never even looked his way, and Louis wasn't sure how he felt about it. It had hurt at first; after he had decided to give Harry a chance and everything had gotten ruined. Now, he thought perhaps things had worked out for the better. Maybe this was someone's way of telling him it wasn't meant to be. Still, he found himself watching Harry whenever he saw him in the halls - he'd nearly run into him in the library a few weeks ago but Harry hadn't even looked up as he passed. Louis had grown angry then. Harry had no right to treat him... like nothing. He had claimed to want Louis one moment and refused to acknowledge his existence the next, just.. given up. Louis wondered if Harry had finally realized after that day by the lake that he didn't want him after all. Or perhaps he was just sick of waiting for Louis to make up his mind. Louis thought it was the ladder; he wasn't worth waiting for, as Harry had so kindly informed him.

The end of their odd relationship (if you could even call it that) clearly hadn't had any effect Harry at all, Louis thought bitterly as he'd watched the older boy flaunt his latest conquest: Joey Bextor, a bitchy fifth year with cheekbones that could cut glass and the body of a model, the complete opposite of Louis.

He was growing more and more relieved by the day that he hadn't ever allowed Harry to use him that way. If only these stupid feelings would go away now, he'd be set.

-:-

While Georgie stuck close to Niall, Louis had wandered off by himself, greeting relatives he'd never met and stuck up arseholes who looked down their noses at him. Louis wanted nothing more than to hide in his bedroom like Georgie had suggested but hiding wouldn't solve anything, would it? 

A few minutes later Louis slipped into the kitchen. A breather didn't count as hiding, right?  
  
“Hiding already?”  
  
Louis squeaked and turned to face an amused James who he'd missed sitting at the table near the window with a teapot in front of him. “I...” he blew out a breath. “How do you get used to it? Being around the biggest snobs in England, I mean?”  
  
“Been doing it all my life. Didn't have to get used to it.” James shrugged, pouring another cup of tea before walking over and handing it to Louis. “But then,” he continued, “I don't think anyone ever does. They just fake it. It's easier.”  
  
Louis sipped from the cup and placed it on the counter. “I suppose. It's just... it's obvious that they all can't stand one another, why do they bother?”  
  
“It's just the way it works, Mr. Tom-”  
  
“Louis.”  
  
James raised an eyebrow. “ _Mr. Tomlinson_. It doesn't make sense to me either to be quite honest.”  
  
“Can I just hide in here with you? I'd go to my room but... I might have to talk to someone on the way.”  
  
“Oh. Alright.” James mock sighed, “I suppose I can put up with you for a few hours.”  
  
Twenty minutes later they were watching stupid youtube videos and laughing so hard Louis was certain he'd cracked a rib. It had been too long. When James reached into his pocket for his handkerchief, a folded paper fell onto the floor and Louis automatically reached for it, picking it up to hand it back to his friend who hadn't noticed it had fallen. Louis' eyes widened when he saw Adele's name. At the same moment, James noticed and made a grab for the paper.  
  
“What's this?” Louis asked curiously, backing away from James, whose face had grown red. Unfolding the paper, he quickly realized it was a love poem. “Aww...”  
  
“Hand it over, brat.” James hissed, dropping the formalities in a flash and making Louis' smile widen. Adele and James. Unexpected. And unbelievably adorable if you asked him. James darted forward then, trying to grab the letter. Louis dodged and laughed, running for the back entrance of the kitchen and following the hall to the empty part of the manor.  
  
“My love!” he read aloud, “You-” he yelped as James' arms wrapped around him from behind, grabbing for the paper and making Louis laugh all the harder. He managed to shrug the man off and skidded into the next room where some guests were conversing knowing James wouldn't grab at him there. He didn't plan on reading the letter further, but this was his way of getting back at James for calling him 'Mr. Tomlinson'  
  
Snatching a biscuit off the refreshment table as he passed, Louis moved to stand near the fireplace, keeping an eye out for James and noticing that Niall and Georgie had disappeared. He prayed they weren't upstairs in one of the bedrooms. On his next sweep of the room, his eyes landed on none other than Harry Styles. Louis felt his face flush. Harry was in his house. ...Why was Harry in his house? ...talking to a pretty blonde girl with dimples. He ground his teeth. Only Harry would pick someone up at a bloody memorial service. Louis just hoped he wouldn't be witness to any blowjobs tonight.

The older boy didn't notice him and it only pissed Louis off more. He hated Harry Styles.

“There you are.” Louis jumped as James slid next to him, his face deceptively polite. “Hand it over, Tomlinson.”  
  
Thankful for the distraction, Louis smirked at James. “For a price.”  
  
James' eyes narrowed. “You little-”  
  
“You have to call me Louis from now on, _lover boy_.”  
  
“You're an evil little toad, _Louis_.”

“Hey, you have to make your own fun around here.” Louis shrugged, handing him the paper. “I didn't read it. Don't worry.”

James smiled at him, squeezing his hand for a moment before pulling away. “So. More youtube videos? Maybe some icecream?”  
  
“I think I’m going to... hide out in my room for the rest of the night.” Louis shook his head. “And I'm sure you have... more love poems to write-” James glared.  
  
“You're in for it.” he whispered, narrowing his eyes playfully before walking away. Louis smiled to himself. At least someone was having some luck with love. Sighing, he started for the stairs, stopping when he noticed Harry's gaze directed at him. His expression was murderous. Louis shrunk back, quickly diverting his own gaze down at the half eaten biscuit in his hand; Harry hated him. The thought had him furious in seconds. What right did Harry have to be angry? Sure he had pursued Louis for months but he'd never once given any indication he wanted Louis for more than a quick tumble, then had the nerve to get angry after Louis walked in on _him_ getting his cock sucked by someone else. Louis didn't know what the hell was wrong with the bloke but he could take his glares and go fuck himself, because he was sick of this.

Ignoring the familiar pang in his chest he got whenever he thought about Harry, Louis slipped through the maze of black clad guests and made his way up the staircase. He didn't know why he'd gotten so attached to Harry, it made no sense. And no matter which way he looked at it, it was pretty clear that things between them would never work in a million years. Still, Louis' nights were filled with dreams of the older boy. Not just X-rated dreams anymore, no. It had gotten worse. Much worse.

He was now dreaming of relaxing in the sun room with Harry dozing with his head in his lap, Louis gently playing with his curls. Or lazy make-out sessions in front of the fireplace that boiled over into frantic lovemaking. Louis was seriously considering electroshock therapy at this point. Anything to free himself and his mind from this iron grip that Harry seemed to have him in. What in the name of all things Holy was wrong with him?! He barely knew Harry!

Louis was halfway down the dimly lit hallway leading to his bedroom when he heard the floorboards creaking somewhere behind him and froze. He glanced over his shoulder and his heart gave a squeeze when he saw Harry walking towards him casual as you please – he was half tempted to bolt into his room and lock the door, but of course his feet seemed to be made of lead as he waited for the taller boy to reach him.  
  
Huffing in annoyance, he blew his bangs from his eyes. “What do you-”

Before he could finish, Harry's hands were on him, his movements quick and fluid as he gripped the tops of Louis' arms and lifted him onto the small table against the wall, the antique lamp on top of it wobbling dangerously while Harry trapped him there.  
  
“Is _he_ the reason you keep pushing me away?”  
  
Louis blinked, barely hearing the words as Harry's closeness seemed to wipe his brain of any rational thoughts until he kicked himself mentally, berating himself for his stupidity. He hated Harry for causing it.  
  
Harry took his silence the wrong way. “A little old for you, isn't he?”  
  
Shaking himself, Louis shoved at Harry's chest. “What the hell are you talking about?”  
  
“The man you were making eyes at downstairs.” Harry sneered, “He's old enough to be your father.”  
  
Louis gaped. Rage boiling up in him at Harry's _nerve_. “His _name,_ is James.” he growled, temper flaring like never before.“And...I don't owe you any explanation! I'll make eyes at whomever I damn well please! Go back to _Joey,_ or Cara.”  
  
“So much for you being different,” Harry's green eyes were caustic, his tone bordering on cruel. “You're no better than the rest of the sluts at King + Cross.”

The words ripped into Louis like barbed wire, as Harry had meant them to no doubt and he felt angry tears pricking at his eyes. _The nerve_. “I'd rather be a slut than your doormat.” he shot back, knowing the words would get to the other boy. They did. Harry's hand stuck out too fast for him to react and wrapped around his throat. Not squeezing, but Louis felt the threat for what it was. His breathing picked up as fear curled up his spine though it was mixed with something else, something he refused to acknowledge. 

“Is that so?” Harry asked coldly, fingers tightening as if they were itching to squeeze. “That can be arranged.” He added, his free hand reaching between them to cup Louis between his thighs. The smaller boy jerked, breath leaving him in a rush as he gripped Harry's wrist, trying to pull it away.  
  
“Stop.” he choked, his face flushing as his body began reacting to the pressure.  
  
Harry tightened both hands, earning a high pitched noise from his prey. “Why should I?” he whispered against Louis' cheek, palming him through his trousers slow and hard while Louis was caught between the need to fight and the need to just spread his legs. Maybe if he let Harry have him all these problems would go away. Everything would go back to normal and they could both move on with their lives. Wishful thinking, he knew.

Louis attempted to scoot himself back and away from Harry's merciless hands only to be gripped all the tighter, Harry rubbing harder, the set of his brows determined.

Determined to humiliate him, Louis thought as he curled forward with a whimper. He was harder than he'd ever been in his life but he too was determined. His pride would not allow him to just roll over and bear his throat. He wouldn't go down without a fight. Gritting his teeth against the onslaught of pleasure that was rapidly building, Louis squeezed his thighs together, crushing Harry's hand in an attempt to stop the relentless rubbing.  
  
Harry growled at him.

Louis moaned in response. “What. Is. Wrong. With. You!?!” He punctuated each word by beating his fists against Harry's shoulders, each strike more forceful than the last as his anger grew. He was becoming convinced that Harry was crazier than he let on.

“You!” Harry yelled back, finally letting go of him only to capture his wrists and pin them against his chest. “ _You are what's wrong with me!_ ”  
  
“I've done nothing to you!”  
  
The pressure around his wrists grew until his fingers began numbing and Harry leaned closer. “That's where you're wrong.” he disagreed. “You, _you_ , this... tiny thing, show up out of no where with those blue eyes filled with fire, so clueless, so different, and slap me silly – literally, before going on your merry way thinking I'd allow it. You started this, but I'll be damned if I let you finish it without _tearing you apart first_.” The look in his eyes left no doubt that he meant every word. While it was comforting in a sick way to know he wasn't the only one with these... obsessive feelings, Louis was still pissed off. If Harry thought he could treat Louis like a toy, he was sorely mistaken, because Louis would tear him apart right back. The direction of his thoughts shocked him. Clearly, Harry's insanity was rubbing off on him.

“I am not a dog that you can command,” Louis said, struggling to keep his voice even. “I'm not one of your minions who will jump when you say frog and I won't be bullied-”  
  
“Oh I'm very aware of that, don't worry. That doesn't mean I give a shit.”  
  
Louis glared. “Why won't you just leave me alone!?”

“I will never leave you alone, Louis.” Harry promised darkly. “But then, I think you already knew that.”

Louis had known that, deep down at least. Even when he had been overcome with doubt. It made him want to scream. It didn't help matters any. Being obsessed with someone as Harry seemed to be, wasn't the same as wanting to date them, though it seemed Harry wanted that too, or at least to sleep with him. Well. Louis wasn't having it. And he didn't understand why Harry wanted him. “Why the hell not! You have Cara, Joey, and countless others more willing than I am ready to bend over or drop to their knees for you the moment you ask!” He argued, though he knew damn well it would kill him if Harry turned his attentions away from him permanently. God. He needed therapy. No. _They_ needed therapy. ' _Couples therapy_ ' his mind supplied sarcastically, though at the rate they were going...  
  
“The answer's in the question, lovely.”  
  
“I will never-”  
  
“Let's stop with the self-deception.” Harry sighed, “I know as well as you do how you feel about me.”  
  
Louis felt his face heat up so quickly he got a head rush. Had he been that obvious? “Just because I kissed you-”  
  
“Twice.” Harry leaned closer and trailed his lips open mouthed and hot across the younger boy's cheek, “You're also quite endearing when you're jealous.”  
  
“I'm not-”  
  
Harry dragged one of Louis' trapped hands down between them and pressed it against himself, against the hardness Louis hadn't noticed and moaned into his ear. Louis' gut clenched at the sound, his own arousal slamming back into him like a freight train as Harry rocked into his palm and moaned hotly into his ear. Jesus Christ on a carousel he played dirty.

“Harry-” He breathed. Squeezing his eyes closed, he struggled to keep his grasp on the thread of control that was steadily slipping away. Harry ignored his pleading tone and nipped at his ear, trailing down to his neck and sucking at the sensitive flesh almost lovingly. Louis whined, his hand flexing in Harry's and earning an appreciative growl from the taller boy. This was insane. Louis knew this. This entire relationship was like being on a roller coaster. Hot, cold, up, down, and to quote Bella Swan, it was kind of giving him whiplash. _What the fuck are you doing!?_  
  
Louis jerked, trying to remove his hand and push away but Harry's grip on him became almost painful as he sunk his teeth into Louis' neck and leaned away to hiss into his ear. “You're not getting away from me again.” He let Louis' hand drop but reclaimed it with his other and began undoing the younger boy's trousers. Louis squeaked, tugging hard against him now as the fear came back. Oddly he wasn't afraid of Harry, just of _this_. Harry was trying to kill him.

“Harry-!” Louis had no clue what he wanted to say. No? Leave me alone? _Please don't stop_? 

So much therapy.

The hand on his wrists squeezed again but Harry otherwise gave no indication he'd heard him. Louis' eyes widened when Harry's head disappeared between his thighs a second before hot, wet warmth encircled his cock. Louis gasped in pure shock and arched sharply, his mouth falling open as his head hit the wall behind him. Harry pulled back with a smirk. “Virgin.”  
  
Gritting his teeth, Louis kicked out, his foot glancing off Harry's upper arm though it wasn't enough to knock him off balance. Harry sunk his teeth into Louis' clothed thigh in retaliation before sucking him down again, taking him until Louis hit the back of his throat. If this was Harry's way of apologizing for what happened with Cara, Louis wanted no part of it. Despite the agonizing pleasure, he refused to let himself become lost in the unfamiliar sensations and attempted to clamp his thighs on Harry's head.   
  
Harry pulled back again, his hand going to his tie and loosening it until it merely hung around his neck. Louis understood the threat before Harry even spoke. “Don't make me tie you up.”

A moan rose in the back of his throat  and  Louis bit the insides of his cheeks to keep it down, a wave of heat shuddering through him at the words.  Despite his efforts,  Harry noticed. “You like that idea.” He stated,  smiling up at him before  his tongue darted out to lick the tip of his cock .  
  
Biting back a moan,  Louis snapped,“Fuck you.”   
  
The smile grew. “No sweetheart, fuck _you_.” H  arry's grip became more determined then as he took him back into his mouth. It was different this time, harder, the pace  strong and sure  and Louis felt h imself  melt ing , all the fight draining  out of him i n that moment as Harry's skilled mouth  sent jolts of pleasure searing down his spine .  I t soon became too much for him  and  he nearly chew ed through his own lip to stop himself from attracting the attention of everyone in the house with his high-pitched, desperate whimpers. “ Har- ah-  _please!_ ”

Harry's hand came to rest at his waist and began stroking him gently, the complete opposite of what his mouth was doing. As the pressure in his belly began to boil over, Louis knew there was no way he'd be able to keep quiet. He tugged at one hand desperately and this time, Harry let it go, somehow understanding. Louis brought it to his mouth just in time to smother the sobs of pleasure that couldn't be contained any longer. Harry answered with a moan of his own, the sound vibrating through Louis in ways he didn't think were possible and causing him to finally explode. Louis bit his hand so hard he was sure he broke skin as tears filled his eyes with the impact of his orgasm. Harry took everything he had with a pleased growl, sucking and licking him through it before pulling back with a self-satisfied smile and tucking Louis back into his trousers.  
  
As Louis came down from what was no doubt the most intense orgasm of his life, he felt humiliation replacing pleasure and began squirming in Harry's grip, wanting to run and hide from him until hell froze over. God. Harry must think him a weak-willed little ninny... he startled when Harry's lips found his, the kiss surprisingly gentle and passionate and Louis moaned as he tasted himself on the older boy's tongue. He yelped when Harry nipped at his bottom lip a little too hard and sucked it into his mouth to soothe it, sending a shiver through him. Louis had absolutely no clue what had just happened, and wondered what Harry was thinking. He shivered as a warm hand slid around his throat again, thumb sweeping back and forth over his pulse. Fuck. That should _not_ make him hot.  
  
“I'm done playing games.” Harry said then, trapping Louis with his gaze “No one else, Louis.”  
  
As anger flushed through him anew, Louis stuck his chin out stubbornly, too irritated to let Harry know there had never been anyone else. “ You're a horrible bastard.”  
  
Harry merely hummed at him before lifting him from the table and carrying him bridal style down the hall, somehow knowing which room was his – Louis wouldn't be surprised if he'd paid someone to tell him.  
  
This solved absolutely nothing, Louis thought tiredly as his eyes began to slip closed. He'd scream at Harry tomorrow, but for now, sleep was too appealing to resist.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Harry has a messed up way of "apologizing"... Louis was a little dopey after that, but when he regains his senses in the morning it won't be pretty. 
> 
> Also, if it seems like these two are all over the damn place, yes, it's on purpose. And in case you're wondering, no, Louis hasn't forgiven Harry for the incident with Cara. It'll be addressed in the next chapter, among other things... so no worries. Louis wasn't kidding about the whiplash, was he? :p
> 
> Thoughts?


	6. Black heart & Morphine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is shorter than the others, probably the shortest you'll see in this story. As I was editing, it just... didn't feel right to tack it on to the end of the last chapter or the beginning of the next, so it's a short-ish chapter.
> 
> I'm kind of nervous about posting this chapter. It was already pre-written months ago and it didn't seem right to change it... so, here we go.

_I believe that your words are fateful_  
_I believe you're the broken one_  
_I believe that your words enable_  
_Now somebody better hide my gun_  
  
_I believe that your tears are fable_  
_I believe that you stole my sun_  
_I believe that the wounds are fatal_  
_Now you're really gonna have some fun_

  
The following Monday Louis was on edge as he headed for class. Harry had disappeared after their clash on Saturday and he hadn't heard from him since; Louis spent the next two days seething and thinking of different ways to dispose of the body. You can't just hold a bloke down and blow him and then not... not what? Call? Text? Stick around to face the claws that would come out when he eventually woke up from his orgasm induced coma? What? Louis couldn't help but wonder who Harry had run to after; whose bed he had spent the rest of the weekend in. The thought had him seeing red. The strength of his jealousy surprised Louis, it wasn't as if he owned Harry. 'You want to.' A voice whispered and Louis would have slapped himself if he thought he could get away with it in the crowded hallway. Jesus Christ. Harry really was rubbing off on him – no pun intended.

Aside from being mad about well, everything, all weekend he had also spent it avoiding Georgie, knowing she would hang him upside down and torture him with Adele's feather duster if she thought it would make him talk about what happened with Harry. Speaking of Harry... Louis' eyes narrowed as he rounded the corner and spotted him leaning against the wall with Joey hanging off his arm. Now, if Louis was smart, he would walk right past them without acknowledging either of their existences... and he would have, if that ugly burning in his gut hadn't of erupted into a full blown rage; everything built up at once: jealousy, anger, hurt, fear, pain and before he could stop himself he was across the corridor and smashing his fist into Harry's jaw. The first thing that registered was pain shooting through his wrist, the second was that the entire hallway had gone quiet, the third was Harry staring at him in shock and running a finger over his jaw like he'd barely felt it before the shock turned into an amused smirk.

Satisfied with his deed, Louis ignored the pain and turned sharply on his heel and walked away, head held high, nose in the air. Despite the throbbing in his hand, he'd never felt better.

-:-

 

He made it as far as the lavatory.

Louis' yelp was smothered when a hand clamped over his mouth and he was dragged inside and pressed against the wall. Narrowing his eyes with a huff, he sunk his teeth into the flesh covering his lips. Harry's smiled and dragged his hand down, fingers trailing along the column of Louis' throat and forcing a shiver from him before coming to rest at the base of his neck. Louis chewed the inside of his cheek and attempted to force the blush he felt burning his face away as memories from Friday night invaded his mind. Harry's smile widened, flashing his dimples as if he could read Louis' mind. His other hand went to his jaw where there was a small red mark. “Nice to see my kitten still has claws.” 

“Would you like another demonstration?” Louis hissed, his hand lashing out again fully intending to give that smug face another red mark until Harry snatched his hand out of the air. “And I'm not your anything.”  
  
“Tell me again.” Harry whispered, leaning forward. “I don't think you're convinced yet.”

Tugging at his hand, Louis let himself drop back against the wall. “What the fuck is it you want from me, Harry?” He asked tiredly. “Why do you keep torturing me like this? You say you want me but... how can that be true? You kiss me, you get jealous if I even look at someone else, yet, I walked in on you with Cara, now you're with Joey. You... assault me in my own house then disappear and I find you this morning with Joey hanging off you. You say you want me, well... you have a funny way of showing it.” Louis shook his head. “I can't do this anymore, Harry. It's very clear that whatever this is, it's just... it's never going to get off the ground. So please. Just. Leave me alone.”

Harry was quiet. So quiet that Louis would have thought he'd left if he couldn't still see his boots on the floor in front of him. “So you admit that you care enough to be bothered when you see me with other people.” 

Louis blinked rapidly, his fury returning tenfold. “You stupid fucking...”  
He lunged forward, everything blurring together as he gripped Harry's uniform and rammed him back with strength he hadn't been aware he possessed until the taller boy's back hit the opposite wall. Louis let out a small noise before his fingers were tangled in Harry's curls and he was kissing him hard, pushing his tongue into the other boy's mouth and claiming it. After Harry recovered from the initial surprise, his hands found purchase on the shorter boy's waist before he growled and took control of the kiss, his hands sliding down to grip Louis' ass.  
  
Growling back, Louis tore away from the kiss and slapped Harry so fast the older boy actually looked stunned for a split second before regaining his composure, but otherwise didn't react to the slap, almost like he was immune to pain. Louis quickly back up a few steps and pointed a finger at him and spoke between laboured breaths. “Stay the fuck away from me.”  
  
Ignoring his demand, Harry advanced on him, eyes blazing with a hungry fire Louis had never seen before, like he _was_ a wolf and Louis had just dangled a bloody steak in front of his snout before running off into the woods.

Louis' heart began pounding frantically as he backed away slowly, feeling hunted as the fire in Harry's eyes seemed to grow with each step he took, almost as if he were hoping Louis would run. And he did just that.  
  
Harry was on him before he reached the door. Louis hissed as he was wrenched around and soft, hot lips found his once more. Opening his mouth he allowed Harry's tongue in and sucked on it, his hands sliding back into those silky curls. What are you doing, what are you doing, _what are you doing?!?!?!?_ The whisper in his mind grew until it became a scream, and while Louis knew he was being incredibly stupid, he ignored it, allowing himself to become lost. Harry twirled them around until his arse hit the sink and then he felt lips on his neck, teeth scraping and hands tugging his hair, pulling his head back for better access. As he was bent back over the sink, Louis nearly lost his balance and gripped the porcelain as Harry continued his assault. Louis tugged at his curls, drawing out a moan as Harry responded by sinking his teeth in deeper before pulling back to breathe heavily into Louis' sensitive ear. “Fuck me.”

Louis froze.

_What_.

Harry snickered against his cheek. “You heard me.”

When Louis still didn't answer, Harry spun them again until he was the one against the sink and kissed Louis again before reaching into his pocket and pulling out a condom, holding it out for Louis. “It's lubed. Been a while, but I fingered myself this morning, so we should be good.”

Louis just stared. 

Harry raised his brows, seemingly confused. “If I remember correctly, I'm supposed to get bent over after I say something like that.”

Louis felt sick. 

Backing away, Louis swallowed convulsively. This meant nothing to Harry. It was all very clear now that Louis wasn't the first and he wouldn't be last. And Harry had the nerve to call _him_ a slut. The longer he stayed quiet, the more closed off Harry's face became. A dark look passed over his face then and his expression twisted into something almost hateful.  
  
“What's the matter, Louis? Am I not good enough for you?” Harry asked in a sugary sweet voice. “My step-daddy always used to say I had the tightest ass he'd ever had. When his friends paid to have me, they always agreed. He's dead now and I don't usually extend this kind of offer, so it's been a while. I'm nice and tight again. Don't you wanna find out how good it feels too?”

Covering his mouth, Louis barely made it into the stall before falling to his knees and losing the contents of his stomach, nearly choking as he sobbed in between retches. Oh God. Oh God. What had he gotten himself tangled in? What had Harry gone through to twist him into the... _thing_ he was now? Louis wanted to run away and never look back.

“Are you not in the mood anymore?" Harry asked, tone pissy. "Was it something I said?"

Louis started throwing up again.

  
-:-  
  
_Pain. Weight. He was too heavy. Harry couldn't breathe. It burned. It always burned. He was being ripped open. His chest hurt. Where was mummy? Why didn't she make it stop? He cried silently, knowing that if he made so much as a peep, he would be black and blue from head to toe because it was summer and he didn't have school._

“ _Please. Stop.” He begged._

_“Why should I?”_

Harry jerked awake; eyes opening to stare blankly at the ceiling, his body covered in cold sweat as the dream sat fresh in his mind. He thought of Louis. Sweet Louis. All he wanted was for Harry to love him. Louis didn't understand. Harry couldn't love. The hate inside of him had twisted and warped him into a machine. A machine capable of nothing but causing pain and receiving pleasure. Pleasure that made him sick to his stomach. Made him want to wrap his hands around the neck of the person touching him and squeeze or twist just hard enough to hear that sickening crack that signalled the life being drained from their body.

He'd done it before and if he wasn't careful, he would do it again. But then, his step-father, Richard, had deserved it. They all did. Everyone who had ever touched him. Cara, Joey, Sam, Taylor, Michael, Felix. All of them were lucky to be alive. Every time they put their hands on him he saw Richard and that desperate ache to feel their lives slip away by his hand crept up in him like a tidal wave of acid, burning him from the inside out.

But Louis. Louis he wanted to keep. He still hadn't figured out exactly why, but the younger boy soothed him in a way that years of hospitals, therapy, medications, anger management, sex, drugs, and cutting his flesh open never could. Louis didn't know it, but he was Harry's morphine. Being near him made it all go away. And despite his strange and confusing protective instinct that made him want to scare the boy away from him for his own good by lashing out and acting rash, Harry would do anything to get his fix.

No matter what it took.

 

_I can see there were thoughts unfaithful_ _  
_ _And I'll concede that my heart is black_

  
_You believe that you should be able_  
_To bruise my body and to break my back_  
  
_You believe that my mind is feeble_ _  
And every day I'll reveal the cracks_

  
_I'm relieved this is finally over_ _  
Now I've suffered through my last attack_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If most of you were surprised, good. I wanted the readers to be as blindsided as Louis was. Also, I wanted to make a point that you don't always know what's happening behind the mask that someone wears. In Harry's case, there weren't really any 'tells' that set off the 'he's an abused child' alarm. He's good at hiding but he comes off as an asshole. And he would rather have people think he's that way just for the sake of it rather than have them know the truth. As for why he told Louis, well... you'll just have to wait and find out. 
> 
> Harry's past doesn't excuse his actions now, but it explains some things. 
> 
> Thoughts?


	7. "Communication" (With a Smartass)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last chapter was heavy. This is a little lighter because Harry's a stubborn shit.
> 
> Sorry for any mistakes, it's somewhere between way too late and way too early so...

Louis sat with his knees pulled to his chest as he stared into the darkness, the sounds of his sleeping dormmates breathing the only sound in the world as he thought of Harry's revelation. His heart was broken for the innocent boy who had been... Louis shuddered, a few tears escaping down his cheeks. If Harry hadn't of already told him his step-father was dead, Louis would have been tempted to kill him himself. What kind of sick fuck could do such things to a child? To anyone?  
  
Harry hid his past well. Covered the pain of it with a dimpled smile and a smart remark. And Louis wondered, not for the first time that night how Harry could stand anyone touching him, be it Cara or Joey, or anyone else he had dated, though from the way he spoke, he didn't allow anyone to actually fuck him and it left Louis without a doubt that his offer from earlier was a way to bring his past up.

Louis got the feeling Harry was attempting to scare him off. Perhaps he believed he didn't deserve love and that Louis would agree once he found out. Or maybe he just didn't want anyone getting too close. Trust was a fragile thing, and once someone, especially someone who's meant to protect you breaks it in the way Harry's step-father had, it's probably next to impossible to see anyone as trustworthy.

Louis gripped his duvet, twisting it in his hands. Had Harry been trying to warn him off the entire time? It didn't seem possible with the way he had been pursued by the older boy, but then, Harry wasn't your typical high school boy, and probably didn't operate the same way either.  
  
There were so many questions swirling in his brain that Louis knew he would never sleep - he needed to see Harry. Swinging his legs over the edge of the bed, Louis quietly stood and headed for the door.

He had never left the room at night before but tonight, he couldn't stay put. Remembering that Harry had given him directions to his room months ago, Louis used them now as he moved silently through the halls, guided by the light of the moon streaming through the windows, the cold of the floor seeping through his bare feet, chilling him all over. Harry had a private room, meaning he didn't share with anyone and suddenly something that had perplexed Louis before made sense now – Harry didn't trust anyone.

His walk was relatively short, down two corridors and up a small flight of stairs until he came to a single door. He wondered absently how much extra Harry's mother... guardian? had to pay. Not that it mattered. He tried the doorknob but quickly realized it was locked and again, his heart gave a squeeze.

Praying that Harry wouldn't try to hurt him, Louis took a deep steadying breath, knocked lightly, and waited. When nothing happened, he figured Harry was a heavy sleeper or, he wouldn't open for just anyone. Biting his lip he knocked again. “H-Harry? It's-”

The lock clicking from the other side of the door was the only warning he got before it wrenched open and he was being yanked by the wrist and thrown inside. The door clicked and locked again.

It was almost pitch black in the room but for the moonlight streaming eerily through the window above Harry's bed illuminating the older boy's face as he stalked toward Louis, face unreadable. “Harry...” he whispered, quickly backing up and nearly tripping over a thick carpet. Like he hadn't heard Louis' words, Harry lunged forward, fingers winding around his throat as he backed him up the last few steps before slamming him down on the bed.

Louis felt his chest tighten and breath pick up to near hyperventilation as he stared up at the shadowy face above him.

“What. Back to play pity party?”  
  
Louis stared up at him. He didn't understand Harry in the least. Why had he told Louis about his past in the first place? Though if his assumption was correct, he supposed it made sense. This boy was messed up in ways he couldn't even begin to fathom and now that he looked, really looked, he could see it all beneath the surface. The monster that was barely caged, hidden behind fake smiles and dark charms. A monster that had been forced into being and Louis' heart broke all over again.

He didn't pity Harry. He ached for the innocence that had been so grossly torn from him. Reaching up, he gently grazed his fingers over the back of the hand encircling his throat and tugged it loose. Harry's grip tightened briefly but eventually, he allowed it. Louis brought Harry's hand to his lips, placing a small kiss on his palm.

Harry froze for a split second before ripping his hand away. “Goddamn you! I don't want this because you feel sorry for me!”

Before Harry could move to get off the bed, Louis enveloped the angry boy's hips with his thighs and cupped his jaw gently, lifting himself enough for their lips to meet. A heartbeat later he was being lifted, Harry rearing back onto his knees to yank him up and off the bed to straddle his lap. The air left him as Harry's arm squeezed like an iron band around his lower back, holding him close and reconnecting their mouths. Louis tangled his fingers in those thick curls as they devoured each other and Harry ground him down into his hardness, making him want. Yet... something beyond need tore at his mind as well.

Louis pulled back enough to meet dark lust filled eyes. “I don't feel.... sorry, for you,” he murmured against the corner of Harry's mouth, “but I want, I want to help you.”

Harry gripped the tops of his arms and held him back. “If you think you can seduce me into 'seeking help' or whatever it is you're doing, you're wrong. I've seen more therapists, doctors and counselors in my lifetime than every fucking mental patient in England.”

Louis bit his lip. “Maybe you weren't _allowing_ them to help you.”

Harry's eyes narrowed, his nostrils flaring in anger and suddenly Louis was being pressed into the mattress again, Harry's lips at his ear. “Maybe shoving my cock in your sweet little hole will help me, what do you think about that?”

Recognizing this for what it was, Louis turned his head and met the other boy's eyes again, their foreheads brushing. “Do it.” he whispered. “Fuck me. If you think it will help, I give you my permission to do whatever you want to me. I trust you.”

Harry stared at him, jaw working as he ground his teeth. “Goddamn you!” he shouted again, shaking Louis violently. “Why would you say that?!”  
  
“Because I want you to know that I'm here.” Louis swallowed thickly. “I know what grief is. A different kind, yes, but I know what it's like to feel so much pain that you want to to tear into everything and everyone around you and make them feel it too. Some mornings, you wish your eyes had never opened. And some nights you pray it's the last time you close them.” Louis was almost certain he'd regret what he was about to say next. “I can't just... leave you alone now.”  
  
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Harry snapped, muttering a string of curses to himself. “First you want nothing to do with me. But now that you think I need to be _saved_ , you want to be mine?”  
  
“You're misunderstanding. I've always...” Louis cleared his throat, how could he explain it? “That's not what's happening here, no. When my mum died, I felt like I was alone in the world even though I had my gran to take care of me. I... I was, it was bad, Harry.” It wasn't something he liked to think about. Ever. And he blocked it out whenever possible. “I thought about killing myself... so many times, just so I didn't have to... _feel,_ anymore. I know how dark that place is, and I can't, I won't leave you there alone.”  
  
Harry stared at him in silence as he continued. “So whether you let me help you or not, I'll be...” The last thing Harry needed was a relationship, but everyone needed a friend. If only they could keep their hands off of each other. “your friend, I will stay at your side. I won't leave you alone with this.” Louis met his gaze head on then. “I won't leave you alone.”  
  
Blinking, Harry continued staring at him almost in awe, his eyes suspiciously wet. “You'll accept it, _me_ , just like that?” He rasped in disbelief. “You're not... you're not telling me I need to get help before you'll let me into your life, you're not asking me to change, you're just accepting me now, as I am.”  
  
Perhaps Louis was being stupid. He knew the boy needed help, badly, but he knew it couldn't be forced as it seemed to have been before, it hadn't helped him then and it wouldn't now. Not unless Harry allowed it. Louis would be there either way. Maybe it was foolish, but Harry needed unconditional love, not demands, not someone forcing him into something he wasn't ready for, not someone telling him he had to change for them before they were able to love him. Foolish indeed. But Louis' mind was made up.

He reached out to caress the side of Harry's face. “Yes.”

“As best friends?...” Harry wondered. "Can we braid each other's hair and talk about our feelings every night before we fall asleep?"  
  
Louis huffed, his face heating up. "Don't be an arse."

"Am I hurting your feelings, best friend?"  
  
Ignoring the taunt, Louis tried to roll out from under the other boy. Unsuccessfully, of course. “I... Harry. The last thing you need is romantic entanglement. I see that now-” His words were cut off as Harry pressed a warm kiss over the pulse point on his neck. “And, I think...I think you've been... trying to tell me that, whether you knew it consciously or not-!” Harry's fingers had trailed under his shirt, massaging his belly before dancing back up to brush across his nipple. Louis knew a distraction maneuver when he saw one. "Stop that! We're communicating here."

"Bff's tell each other like, _everything_." Harry agreed in a girly voice, sounding more like a haughty drag queen than anything else.

"Scratch that. _I'm_ communicating, _you're_ being a smartass." He pushed at Harry's shoulders. "Get off. We're not done talking."

Harry ignored him, focusing all his attention on finding every sensitive spot on Louis' neck.

"What I don't understand," Louis growled, managing to get his knee between them and dig it into Harry's hard stomach to push him away, sending him off the foot of the bed. "is why you've forced your way into my life, if that is indeed the case. And every time I decide to stay in it, of my own free will, you do something to push me away again." He finished.

Instead of growing angry, that familiar wolfish grin spread across Harry's features and Louis knew he was in trouble. The second Harry made a move to get back on the bed, Louis yanked the pillow away from the headboard and thwacked him with it. Harry stumbled back a few steps, giving Louis a view of him in the moonlight. There was no mistaking the bulge in the front of his pajamas.   
  
"What happened to 'fuck me'?" Harry questioned, stalking toward the bed again.  
  
"Okay, _fuck you_." Louis snapped back, chucking the other pillow at him. Something gleamed out of the corner of his eye but he couldn't be bothered to look, he knew Harry was far from done with him. It was like Harry thought he _enjoyed_  being pinned down and harassed into submission. Which, he didn't. At all. Did he? He shivered, remembering Harry's hand around his throat as he'd sucked him off, and how hard he'd come because of it. Fuck. What was wrong with him? Lost in his thoughts, he didn't notice Harry moving around to the side of the bed until a hand wrapped around his ankle, tugging him to the edge. Before he could kick out, Harry was between his thighs, pressing their hips together and rocking into him.

Harry smirked down at him. "Alright. Let's talk."   
  
Biting back a moan, Louis licked his lips and tried not to notice the way Harry's eyes tracked the movement. Harry began pushing his shirt up again, thumbs dragging up his belly all the way to his chest. Louis pushed at him again and Harry stilled, reaching somewhere near the headboard. Something flashed in the corner of his vision again before Louis froze.

Harry was holding a knife.

Paying no attention to the younger boy's reaction, Harry gutted the pillow lying next to them. Louis gasped, struggling underneath him, shoving hard. Harry dropped the knife then and used the tattered material of the pillowcase to bind Louis' wrists together.  
  
Realizing he wasn't about to be ripped from stem to stern, the fear that had been burning through him ebbed away, replaced with a hard spark of heat and arousal. "Oh god." Louis panted, shocked by his body's reaction, the throbbing between his thighs. " _Harry._ "   
  
Growling, Harry pushed his bound hands over his head and lifted his shirt once more, his warm lips closing around Louis' nipple. The younger boy arched up, his entire body shuddering with wave after wave of lust, his thighs closing around Harry's waist in an attempt to rock them together again. Wrong. Wrong. So fucking wrong. He thought distantly, fighting back the words that wanted to spill from him. _Fuck me_. This wasn't going how he'd planned. This wasn't what either of them needed right now, but it felt _so good._

"You bastard-nng." Louis tried to hiss but it came out as a weak breathy mewl. Harry nipped him in response, his own breath coming quick and short as he licked across Louis' chest to cover his other nipple, sucking lightly and flattening his tongue, dragging it slowly over the sensitive bud.

A moment later, Harry released his grip on Louis' hands. "Keep them above your head." Almost fumbling as he pulled the smaller boy's sleep pants down around his hips, Harry made a desperate noise. "Need to taste you again."  
  
Louis answered with a whine of his own. "Please."

Harry's mouth closed around him and both boys moaned. This was nothing like the calculating, almost cruel way Harry had taken him before. This time, it seemed Harry was just as desperate as he was, his mouth sloppy and his movements quick as he took Louis' cock into the back of his throat with a breathless sob, bobbing his head. The wet sounds that soon filled the room had Louis writhing and turning his head to sink his teeth into the flesh of his own arm, ignoring Harry's request that he keep them above his head. Harry moaned around him again, shaking as he reached down to take himself in hand, pumping as hard and fast as his mouth took the moaning boy above him.  
  
Louis tasted blood as he gnawed on his lips, his breaths coming harder now as the pressure in his belly began to near explosive; beads of sweat running down his throat, his back damp against the sheets. Harry's movements became more desperate then, their moans mixing as the older boy pleasured them both.

"Harry!" It hit Louis fast and sudden like a bolt of lightening, drowning him pleasure so intense he thought he might actually die. Mingled cries echoed through the room as Harry came into his own hand, his orgasm triggered by Louis'.

Louis shuddered again, another wave crashing through him in reaction.  
  
Harry sucked once more, making sure he hadn't missed a drop before pulling back, licking his lips as he fixed Louis' pants and took off his own, using them to clean himself. Crawling back onto the bed, Harry untied a still starry eyed Louis and pressed kisses to the red marks left behind.

"You absolute cock." Louis growled, coming back to himself.   
  
"You _did_ give me permission." Harry shrugged leaning in for a quick peck, smiling as he chucked the strip of material and dropped beside Louis. 

"You're a horrible-"  
  
"Bastard, yes. I know."  
  
"We were _supposed_ to be talking about out feelings." Louis huffed, lips twitching, fighting a smile.  
  
"I'd rather make you moan." Harry leaned over him for another kiss, nipping Louis' bottom lip.

“Harry, I- we-” His brain was gone again. He suspected that was Harry's plan.

“I don't want to be your friend, Louis. I want all of you.”  
  
Louis looked at Harry then. He knew what it was like when you were barely able to keep your head above water and he hadn't dealt with half of what Harry had. People would call him an idiot, and question his sanity, and he didn't really care. He would do what he could to help Harry. But first things first.  
  
“On one condition.”  
  
Harry looked away, his face becoming tight. “There's always a condition.”  
  
Louis pushed up onto his elbows and reached up to rest a hand on Harry's cheek. “The only thing I ask, is that if... if we're... together, you...” Suddenly he was nervous, Harry was going to reject him, he knew it. “you don't see anyone else.” He waited.  
  
Harry let out a snort. “That all?”  
  
Louis shrugged. “I know I'm definitely not worth giving up that kind of freedom, but I can't handle-” He was cut off when Harry surprisingly gently, pushed him back down into the mattress.  
  
“I would have done it in a heartbeat if you'd asked.” Harry's words were serious, then he raised a brow. "Besides, sleeping with anyone else would be boring now. In fact, I never realized just  _how_ boring, until you showed me how much more interesting things can be with a partner who doesn't fall over with their legs open."  
  
Louis blushed bright red and shoved at his shoulder. "Ugh! You-" 

"Promise you'll never stop fighting me when we fuck, it gets me going like none other." Harry teased.  
  
"Sick. You're sick."  
  
"So I've been told." Harry looked at him, face serious then. "I meant it. In a heartbeat."  
  
Feeling his heart stutter and then pick up again, Louis looked down. “That can't be true, Harry. You had to have known that was the reason I kept telling you no.”  
  
“I did.” Harry admitted. “You were right before. I wanted you. And I wanted to drive you away.. I kept hoping you'd... get sick of it and _me_ and just... refuse to have anything to do with me. Yet, every time you did, I found myself... unable to let you. I'm sorry I told you... about...” A disgusted look crossed his face, his eyes dulling. "I'm not ready to talk... about it."  
  
"I didn't ask you to," Louis said quietly. "It's alright. I'll listen if and when you're ready, until then, try not to break me." He'd meant the last part to sound like a joke, but Harry seemed to notice the way his voice shook and looked up at Louis, something possessive flashing in his eyes.

“I protect what's mine.” Harry promised, "And you are." Louis shivered as Harry gripped his wrists, pinning his sensitive wrists to the mattress. “I won't fucking tolerate sharing you.”

“I could say the same, you possessive psychopath." Louis reminded around quickened breaths.  
  
Harry snorted loudly and nodded once while Louis stroked his hair.

“Sleep.” Louis whispered and Harry frowned. “I won't leave.” He assured. Harry stared at him for a moment like he wasn't sure if he could believe him or not and Louis leaned up to kiss his forehead sweetly. “I promise.”

Finally, Harry laid down beside him, using his chest as pillow, ear over his heart while Louis continued to stroke his curls. As Harry dozed, Louis stared down at his deceptively sweet face as it seemed to lose it's hardness in sleep. A protective feeling came over him even as he realized he barely knew the boy asleep next to him, though he supposed there was time for that.

No matter what had passed between them, Louis wanted nothing more than to embrace Harry and make sure he knew he wasn't alone, knew he was cared for no matter what. And make him feel... safe. They would deal with the rest in time.

Maybe it would hurt, maybe it would destroy him, Louis didn't care. And he didn't want to save Harry. Harry had to save himself, but Louis would be there with him every step of the way.

Later, Louis realized that Harry slept with a knife under his pillow.

 -:-

“I want you to come somewhere with me today.” Harry said the next morning as they lie side by side after a few kisses.

Louis looked at him through his lashes and rolled his tingling lips together. “Where?”  
  
“Somewhere special.” Harry gave a small, crooked smile, one he knew would make Louis want to trust him. “A place I used to go a lot.”  
  
Something clenched in Louis' stomach. But he had made a promise to Harry last night, and he would keep it. “Okay.”  
  
Harry smiled again and pressed a kiss to his forehead.

He hoped Louis wasn't afraid of heights. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Obviously, nothing's solved and far from perfect but these two are tangled up pretty damn bad by now and Louis probably isn't making the wisest choices. But then, a story wouldn't be interesting if everyone did the right thing all the time, would it? The point is, he's doing what he thinks is right. Time will tell if he's right or very, very wrong.  
> Harry's past will be addressed slowly, as will what happened with his step-father. Why share and then clam up, right? Harry has his reasons. And he needs help, the question is will he let himself get it.
> 
> Thoughts? Any guesses where Harry might be planning to take Louis and what will happen when they get there? Good or bad?

**Author's Note:**

> Chapter two will be posted in the next few days. 
> 
> Thoughts/theories??


End file.
